Whether you know it or not, you are born with demons in your closet. Essentially, I am saying you come into the world with baggage. Yes, ok I hear you. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out.
I'm a white woman. A single, white woman. A small, single white woman. Even more-so, I am a short, attractive, single white woman. And I am a single Mother. When people see me, they see someone who is entitled because she is a white woman. Little do they know that being an attractive, single white woman with a child causes more problems for me than it does me any good. I can see you shaking your head and I understand why you may be, thinking "what the fuck does she know? She's admitting to being the ideal". But that's my problem. My demon I was born with. I grew up a cute little girl. Short, cute, strong willed. I grew up with a dysfunctional family who, by all means, each and every one of them needs to have their head examined for a sensitivity gene. Through all this, I have received judgmental treatment my entire life. From the people I loved the most. And this set in motion a turn of events where I would grow up and all others to treat me with judgmental tendencies.
I walk through store markets, malls, sit at my desk at work and I am bombarded by stares and looks from other women who are not as fortunate as I am to be blessed with the "ideal". I have never seen myself as such but this is what I have come to realize. This makes meeting people harder, keeping friends more difficult, and being a single mother just puts the topping on the cake. This I will address in another post, but for now, we'll stick with my own, personal demons.
I face them without reservation now that I am aware of them. I have to breathe through meeting some people because of their hostile attitude towards me (which tells me they have suffered). I've come to realize that the more sickly a person looks, the more they have suffered. So I try to understand their struggles while I go through my own. It is my wish that everyone is created equal... as our forefathers told us many centuries ago. And meeting someone is next to near impossible. Intimidation or not, I have heard hundreds of times that I am a one of a kind, sensible woman with strength, knowledge and beauty. Yet with all this, I am lost to find a mate. My last one exposed and exploited my innocence and trust at a very young age and took 13 years of my life. Important and pivotal years of my life where one finds themselves, who they want to be, become and do with their life. They find their life mate, make a home, have a family and settle down for the years their young grow and go through school. Once through those years, the children leave the home and you are left an empty Nester but at least you have your partner... in crime, as I'd like to call him.
For me, finding this partner is going to be a challenging task. Yes, I am attractive, outgoing and strong. And... I have a child. Not to mention the fact that I have now entered my thirties. The years where the aforementioned where you are hunkered down, raising your family in a simple town. Yet now I am thrown back into those years where finding someone would have been easier for me now becomes a difficult task to say the least. I didn't plan on becoming a single mother. I did everything "right". I dated a man for many years. I became engaged and stayed engaged for three years before turning to marriage. I was married for three years before buying a home and having a child. I thought I had done everything I was supposed to do to set my life in motion with my partner, in crime. And yet with all the right things I did, I did everything WRONG.
I missed the signals that would have told me the relationship was doomed from the beginning. I allowed things to be said and done to me that I should have known were wrong and did not protect myself. When I noticed I was fighting my own battles instead of having a champion in my corner as I was to him, I became aware that I was alone. Then when the child was born, I was overly optimistic that things would change as they almost certainly did the moment my son was born. There was promise, hope and ignorance. On my part. I should have known that tigers do not change their stripes. And the hope I had that things would change did not pan out to what I thought they would.
And so now I am here, to face my demons alone. I have my son, yes, who brings me great joy and laughter when there is sadness and tears but I cannot expect him to hold me up. I must hold myself up.
There is so much more to talk about when it comes to birthright demons. It's a long conversation that we all must acknowledge our own. I have identified mine and I know that my challenge is an up hill battle. With my biggest demon being my most recent quest; single parenthood. My child is no reason to NOT get to know me. My child is a reason to celebrate who I am and a blessing. I look forward to meeting the man who will love us together and my son as his own.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
ENOUGH ALREAY
Ok people, this has gone on for far too long. I don't give a shit how old you are, what your views on "turn a blind eye" or "it's not my problem" are, what I care about is that our children are dying; otherwise being Killed by kin. Children of their own age. Otherwise known as BULLIES.
Wake the fuck up, society! Another child has been removed from life support after sustaining fatal injuries from a bloody and senseless act against them from other children. These babies doe not deserve to die!!! What is the fuck is going on here? The campaign to fight against bullying is not working and it wont work until the adults around here start standing up and being parents.
Haven't you ever been familiar with the term "It takes a village"? This is a battle we need to fight and give our children the safe feeling we had growing up.
Now, I don't know about you, but I am getting a little sick and tired of hearing of bullies picking on the elderly, the disabled and even their own family members. I, myself, have had the pleasure of being bullied by those I would have otherwise known as loved ones. As each incident occurs, it becomes more clear to me that this is an illness being spread among our young. Parents being out of touch with their children, absent during their years of growing and of teaching them right from wrong. Why? Because, simply put, we are a society of a bunch of lazy, stupid, self-centered people who are only out for self pleasure. What is failed to be seen is that our children are our future. If you want to leave behind a world worthy of their lives and graces, get your heads out of your asses and start using your brain. Being a parent is difficult. It's even worse when you've got you against the world.
Wake the fuck up, society! Another child has been removed from life support after sustaining fatal injuries from a bloody and senseless act against them from other children. These babies doe not deserve to die!!! What is the fuck is going on here? The campaign to fight against bullying is not working and it wont work until the adults around here start standing up and being parents.
Haven't you ever been familiar with the term "It takes a village"? This is a battle we need to fight and give our children the safe feeling we had growing up.
Now, I don't know about you, but I am getting a little sick and tired of hearing of bullies picking on the elderly, the disabled and even their own family members. I, myself, have had the pleasure of being bullied by those I would have otherwise known as loved ones. As each incident occurs, it becomes more clear to me that this is an illness being spread among our young. Parents being out of touch with their children, absent during their years of growing and of teaching them right from wrong. Why? Because, simply put, we are a society of a bunch of lazy, stupid, self-centered people who are only out for self pleasure. What is failed to be seen is that our children are our future. If you want to leave behind a world worthy of their lives and graces, get your heads out of your asses and start using your brain. Being a parent is difficult. It's even worse when you've got you against the world.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Karma
We all love to believe in it. We all love to think that "what goes around comes around". The problem I have with Karma is that I am rarely around to see it make its way back to those who earn it. However, hearing about it instead of being that fly on the wall you WANT to be will have to do.
Some people say the "best revenge is being happy". Others say it's "looking good". I say it when you fucking "GET WHAT YOU DESERVE". And when getting what you deserve includes being dealt the same hand of cards you've thrown at others. So imagine my delight at hearing about "the bitch" I've known for my lifetime has been having a spot of trouble convincing people of her malicious propaganda?! Well, lets just say "shits and giggles" just doesn't cut it. I am absolutely delighted at the face that this two face, manipulative bitch is FINALLY getting the turn around treatment she deserves. I always found it difficult to believe that the people this woman spoke to seriously couldn't hear past her fake voice, see past her fake face and walk past her fake ass. But for years, this woman manages to float by on looks and, what seemed to be a keen ability to make anyone believe her advertisements about why she deserved your sympathy rather than your anger. This, for many years, pissed the hell outta me. Now? I find it funny that she's now in her 50's, still pulling the same stunts and thankfully, society in this area has somewhat become a little smarter (or perhaps they were burned by her and word just got around) and they do not seem to be falling for those same tricks any more.
How's that old saying go? "Trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition insanity"... I guess she thought the same old same old would continue to work for her. Go figure. I always suspected anyway!!
Some people say the "best revenge is being happy". Others say it's "looking good". I say it when you fucking "GET WHAT YOU DESERVE". And when getting what you deserve includes being dealt the same hand of cards you've thrown at others. So imagine my delight at hearing about "the bitch" I've known for my lifetime has been having a spot of trouble convincing people of her malicious propaganda?! Well, lets just say "shits and giggles" just doesn't cut it. I am absolutely delighted at the face that this two face, manipulative bitch is FINALLY getting the turn around treatment she deserves. I always found it difficult to believe that the people this woman spoke to seriously couldn't hear past her fake voice, see past her fake face and walk past her fake ass. But for years, this woman manages to float by on looks and, what seemed to be a keen ability to make anyone believe her advertisements about why she deserved your sympathy rather than your anger. This, for many years, pissed the hell outta me. Now? I find it funny that she's now in her 50's, still pulling the same stunts and thankfully, society in this area has somewhat become a little smarter (or perhaps they were burned by her and word just got around) and they do not seem to be falling for those same tricks any more.
How's that old saying go? "Trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition insanity"... I guess she thought the same old same old would continue to work for her. Go figure. I always suspected anyway!!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Get off the Fucking Phone!!
I know we have all been there. Standing in line, with a garb of materials to buy when the woman or man in front of you decides it is the perfect time to get on the phone with either their girl fiend, bitch, relative or boyfriend to either fight, make plans or just shoot the shit. Whatever the reason, this renders their one arm and hand completely useless and thus, holds up the entire line. I gotta say, this is one of THE most fucking annoying things I encounter more often than I would like. Seriously, drop the call and pick it up after you pay! It's that simple? People are in such a "me, myself and I" world that they honestly don't care if the person behind them is on their lunch break, maybe taking a break from visiting a loved on in the hospital or whatever the reason! It's just not fucking RIGHT to stand there, fiddle through your things, searching for your credit card when you should be OFF the PHONE and grabbing it to go.
I can't tell you what goes through my mind when I am behind these people. I think about what I am about to say, then stop myself from saying it because I look down and realize I have my name tag on. I so want to just smack them in the face and hit the phone to the ground and be like "lady, will you just shut the fuck up and pay for your stupid coffee!!?"
Which brings me to...
WORK.
When working with the public, you know you're going to encounter some very colorful people. But I REFUSE to help ANYONE that is on a cellphone, sitting or standing waiting for service. I don't want to be the one to "interrupt" their conversation. Then when I get asked why I took the customer that was AFTER that customer, I simply say "I did not want to interrupt the phone conversation they were having. It seemed importent enough for them to have to keep it going while waiting". And I am never told about it because you know what? I am FUCKING RIGHT!
I'm not going to cater to you because you render yourself handicapped for the time you are on the telephone. And frankly, I don't want to hear about your boyfriend/parents/girlfriend problems anyway. So just hang up the phone and be done with it until you are finished with the business you came to do. Be it WAWA, Starbucks, making a deposit (lord knows I HATE being behind one of those people in line!) or whatever the fuck you've set out to do. The phone can wait! I, on the other hand, have places to go, people to see and obligations to fulfill. I'm not about to cut them close to being late because of your addiction to the Cellphone. Radiate yourself when you get out to the car but spare us all behind you in line the time it takes for you to rummage through your huge mess of a bag when a second hand would come very much in handy.
Best,
Rachel
I can't tell you what goes through my mind when I am behind these people. I think about what I am about to say, then stop myself from saying it because I look down and realize I have my name tag on. I so want to just smack them in the face and hit the phone to the ground and be like "lady, will you just shut the fuck up and pay for your stupid coffee!!?"
Which brings me to...
WORK.
When working with the public, you know you're going to encounter some very colorful people. But I REFUSE to help ANYONE that is on a cellphone, sitting or standing waiting for service. I don't want to be the one to "interrupt" their conversation. Then when I get asked why I took the customer that was AFTER that customer, I simply say "I did not want to interrupt the phone conversation they were having. It seemed importent enough for them to have to keep it going while waiting". And I am never told about it because you know what? I am FUCKING RIGHT!
I'm not going to cater to you because you render yourself handicapped for the time you are on the telephone. And frankly, I don't want to hear about your boyfriend/parents/girlfriend problems anyway. So just hang up the phone and be done with it until you are finished with the business you came to do. Be it WAWA, Starbucks, making a deposit (lord knows I HATE being behind one of those people in line!) or whatever the fuck you've set out to do. The phone can wait! I, on the other hand, have places to go, people to see and obligations to fulfill. I'm not about to cut them close to being late because of your addiction to the Cellphone. Radiate yourself when you get out to the car but spare us all behind you in line the time it takes for you to rummage through your huge mess of a bag when a second hand would come very much in handy.
Best,
Rachel
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The Oak Tree
A mighty wind blew night and day. It stole the oak tree's leave away, then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark until the oack was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground while other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke, "How can you still be standing, Oak?"
The Oak Tree replied, "I know that you can break each branch of mine in two, carry every leaf away, shake my lims and make me sway. But I have roots stretched in the earth, growing stronger since my birth. You'll never touch them, for you see, they are the deepest part of me. Until today, I wasn't sure of just how much I could endure. But now I've found, with thanks to you, I'm stronger than I ever knew."
-----This poem is wonderful. It is encouraging and has a wealth of strength inside it. Try to remember that you're stronger than any problem you encounter or any disappointment life is going to bring you. Believe in yourself.----
--Rachel-
But still the oak tree held its ground while other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke, "How can you still be standing, Oak?"
The Oak Tree replied, "I know that you can break each branch of mine in two, carry every leaf away, shake my lims and make me sway. But I have roots stretched in the earth, growing stronger since my birth. You'll never touch them, for you see, they are the deepest part of me. Until today, I wasn't sure of just how much I could endure. But now I've found, with thanks to you, I'm stronger than I ever knew."
-----This poem is wonderful. It is encouraging and has a wealth of strength inside it. Try to remember that you're stronger than any problem you encounter or any disappointment life is going to bring you. Believe in yourself.----
--Rachel-
Friday, July 13, 2012
Because you'll never see me comin'
It's no secret that I am a little lady. Standing at exactly five foot even (five foot five inches if you give me some fantastic heals) and a mere 110 lbs, you can imagine just how intimidating I must look to the outside world. Ah but never underestimate the strength of the small one. She is fast. She is smart. And you never see her coming.
I'm sitting in a nice park, reading my fantastic Stargate series that I absolutely love, when a man comes by and demands I move because he wants to sit where I have ever so nicely parked myself. I look up and this dude, who is obviously a low life, egotistical jerk, and think to myself "seriously? are we really going to have to go there?"
Taking a deep breath, I respond "sir, I am enjoying myself just fine where I am at. I am sure you can find a place just as comforting as this one elsewhere". Ok, the nice approach. That's good, he'll be ok with that.
Nope.
"This is where I sit when I come here. I want to sit there. Get up."
Oh lord, I'm going to have to verbally assault him.
I stand up, being careful not to lose my page and set my book neatly on the ground. "Ok. This must be a very important space to you. Unfortunately, it is occupied at the moment. Why don't you go on your merry little way before this gets ugly and someone gets humiliated".
Of course he laughs at this little woman standing in front of 'his seat'. I failed to see him name anywhere located near where I was sitting. "lady, you are in my spot. Now get up!".
Alright. I see where this is going. He wants to play 'I'm a big man and can intimidate the little woman' game. Well, two can play it is just that I don't get easily intimidated. "Sir, you're name is not located anywhere on this site nor should it be. Does it make you feel like a big man, trying to intimidate women into submission? Let me educate you on something. The Revolution for Woman's independence ended long ago and we prevailed. WE have equal right, just not equal brains. Sadly, women are those with the capability of understanding a situation more than the opposite sex. If you are following me so far, you should be getting the hint that I am not leaving MY spot for a bully. Have you heard of the 'Anti-bully act' going about? Yeah, you're one of them. So let me grab my phone and snap a nice picture of you. Wait, what? You don't want me to? Why? Are you afraid that others with morals and respect for woman may actually find you offencive and just plain trashy? Ok, then, if I were you, I'd leave. And just to make my point a little further, I have a special set of skills that could render you completely immobile in one or two strikes. You never see me comin'."
Of course, that's not verbatim, but it was similar in nature. He stood there, mouth open, cigarette in his hand and shook his head. "you're gonna get yourself into a lot of trouble with that attitude of yours". I smiled at him as he sulked away.
"Sir, I do not believe it is I who will be in for a rude awakening. One day, you'll cross the wrong woman and she'll put you in your place much more than I just did. Have a great day!"
Always remember, kiddos. End your conversations, no matter how dreadful, with a salutation similar to "have a great day" "enjoy your weekend" "See you soon!". It's just so much better to see their spine come out of under their shirts because of the chills you just sent down their spine.
Best,
Rachel
I'm sitting in a nice park, reading my fantastic Stargate series that I absolutely love, when a man comes by and demands I move because he wants to sit where I have ever so nicely parked myself. I look up and this dude, who is obviously a low life, egotistical jerk, and think to myself "seriously? are we really going to have to go there?"
Taking a deep breath, I respond "sir, I am enjoying myself just fine where I am at. I am sure you can find a place just as comforting as this one elsewhere". Ok, the nice approach. That's good, he'll be ok with that.
Nope.
"This is where I sit when I come here. I want to sit there. Get up."
Oh lord, I'm going to have to verbally assault him.
I stand up, being careful not to lose my page and set my book neatly on the ground. "Ok. This must be a very important space to you. Unfortunately, it is occupied at the moment. Why don't you go on your merry little way before this gets ugly and someone gets humiliated".
Of course he laughs at this little woman standing in front of 'his seat'. I failed to see him name anywhere located near where I was sitting. "lady, you are in my spot. Now get up!".
Alright. I see where this is going. He wants to play 'I'm a big man and can intimidate the little woman' game. Well, two can play it is just that I don't get easily intimidated. "Sir, you're name is not located anywhere on this site nor should it be. Does it make you feel like a big man, trying to intimidate women into submission? Let me educate you on something. The Revolution for Woman's independence ended long ago and we prevailed. WE have equal right, just not equal brains. Sadly, women are those with the capability of understanding a situation more than the opposite sex. If you are following me so far, you should be getting the hint that I am not leaving MY spot for a bully. Have you heard of the 'Anti-bully act' going about? Yeah, you're one of them. So let me grab my phone and snap a nice picture of you. Wait, what? You don't want me to? Why? Are you afraid that others with morals and respect for woman may actually find you offencive and just plain trashy? Ok, then, if I were you, I'd leave. And just to make my point a little further, I have a special set of skills that could render you completely immobile in one or two strikes. You never see me comin'."
Of course, that's not verbatim, but it was similar in nature. He stood there, mouth open, cigarette in his hand and shook his head. "you're gonna get yourself into a lot of trouble with that attitude of yours". I smiled at him as he sulked away.
"Sir, I do not believe it is I who will be in for a rude awakening. One day, you'll cross the wrong woman and she'll put you in your place much more than I just did. Have a great day!"
Always remember, kiddos. End your conversations, no matter how dreadful, with a salutation similar to "have a great day" "enjoy your weekend" "See you soon!". It's just so much better to see their spine come out of under their shirts because of the chills you just sent down their spine.
Best,
Rachel
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I am tolerant....
Ok now people. Let's get something straight here. I am truly sorry that you're sick. In fact, if you know me, you know I'll show up on your door step with homemade chicken noodle soup with egg noodles and fresh chicken slow cooked and ready to make you feel all better. But do me a favor ok?
KEEP YOUR FUCKING GERMS TO YOURSELF.
So I'm at sea world. A most disappointing day already in and of itself. $80 to sit in blazing hot heat, metal bleachers and a storm that postpones my already postpones original dolphin show I love to watch every now and then. $80 to sit and wait. With a 6 year old, mind you, who, by my own admission, I must say had remarkable restraint during the waiting period. FINALLY the loud speakers come on and all hail the man from behind the loud noise "Thank you for joining us today! Sit back and relax, your show will begin in five minuets". ALRIGHT! So we hadn't waited in vain! I was going to see my beautiful dolphins fly through the air and delight us with spectacular wonder and amazement. "Ladies and gentlemen.... due to the weather, this portion of the showcase has been canceled. Please join us for our next show in two hours". What the?!!
Ok, so I, my 6 year old, 60 year old father, 18 year old cousin and 10 year old niece had had enough waiting for one day. Livid enough to erupt a volcano, we began our hike back to our car. As we reached the gate, something snapped in my head. I should ask for my money back. What they hell did I spend that money for to just sit and sit and sit during not so much of a rain storm only to be told "fuck you, the show will not go on".
I turn to my clan and tell them to keep on treckin', I'm going to the office and asking for my money back. As I am walking, I hear this poor woman hacking away her lungs into the air. I felt badly that she had such a cough! Sadly for me, I didn't know where she was until ...
BAM!!! Right in my God Damn Face this woman coughs her lungs and juice up all over my face within striking distance. "Thank you!" I said, so very sarcastically. "You do know that I will be sick within three days time?!" And you know what this bitch does?
She LAUGHS!!! "I am so glad you find this oh so very funny, but I do not. I, unlike you, have a life that I would like to live in good health and not spread any of my germs to others. Next time, do yourself a favor.... when you're around a whoooooole bunch of people, COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH!"
The woman was deadpan. Had no idea what to say. Stood there like a food with absolutely no expression on her face other than "uhhh... duh...... I don't know". This, my friend, is what we have to deal with when braving the amusement parks. Next time I go, I feel like wearing a surgical mask and writing on it, "keep your germs to yourself and cover your fucking mouth!" just to make a point. Now I totally get why the people in China were wearing masks when SARS broken out a few years back. Who wouldn't?
In three days time, I was so sick, I could barely stand. At work, I was walking into people and my graceful steps I usually take were replace with stumbling buffoonish acts of stupidity. For the first time EVER, I asked to leave work. I literally was no use in the work environment AND I also do not believe in giving an illness to my co-workers... well, because I love them. For the next few days, I was almost bedridden. My son wouldn't come near me, my mother was disinfecting the entire house from top to bottom.
What I don't get is why people just do whatever the fuck they want in public and not give to shits about the people around them. Sure, they're not your kin and I wouldn't expect you to jump in front of a moving train for them, but for Christ's sake, at least take the common courtesy and do what is right in public. Cover your mouth, no spitting, cursing unbelievably loud around young children. Obnoxious behavior that had my gut turning in circle deciding if I am going to kill you slowly or if I should make this one a slow and painful, most certainly obnoxious way to die. Not really but you get what I mean.
I know you know what I am talking about and I am sure you've had your share of the public yourself. When you jam pack a park with a bunch of people from all over the world, this is how you spread disease!! Duh! Does that take an astrophysicist to figure that out? No. But if you'd like the world and the people in it to stop spreading harmful diseases, you can start by covering your mouth....
KEEP YOUR FUCKING GERMS TO YOURSELF.
So I'm at sea world. A most disappointing day already in and of itself. $80 to sit in blazing hot heat, metal bleachers and a storm that postpones my already postpones original dolphin show I love to watch every now and then. $80 to sit and wait. With a 6 year old, mind you, who, by my own admission, I must say had remarkable restraint during the waiting period. FINALLY the loud speakers come on and all hail the man from behind the loud noise "Thank you for joining us today! Sit back and relax, your show will begin in five minuets". ALRIGHT! So we hadn't waited in vain! I was going to see my beautiful dolphins fly through the air and delight us with spectacular wonder and amazement. "Ladies and gentlemen.... due to the weather, this portion of the showcase has been canceled. Please join us for our next show in two hours". What the?!!
Ok, so I, my 6 year old, 60 year old father, 18 year old cousin and 10 year old niece had had enough waiting for one day. Livid enough to erupt a volcano, we began our hike back to our car. As we reached the gate, something snapped in my head. I should ask for my money back. What they hell did I spend that money for to just sit and sit and sit during not so much of a rain storm only to be told "fuck you, the show will not go on".
I turn to my clan and tell them to keep on treckin', I'm going to the office and asking for my money back. As I am walking, I hear this poor woman hacking away her lungs into the air. I felt badly that she had such a cough! Sadly for me, I didn't know where she was until ...
BAM!!! Right in my God Damn Face this woman coughs her lungs and juice up all over my face within striking distance. "Thank you!" I said, so very sarcastically. "You do know that I will be sick within three days time?!" And you know what this bitch does?
She LAUGHS!!! "I am so glad you find this oh so very funny, but I do not. I, unlike you, have a life that I would like to live in good health and not spread any of my germs to others. Next time, do yourself a favor.... when you're around a whoooooole bunch of people, COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH!"
The woman was deadpan. Had no idea what to say. Stood there like a food with absolutely no expression on her face other than "uhhh... duh...... I don't know". This, my friend, is what we have to deal with when braving the amusement parks. Next time I go, I feel like wearing a surgical mask and writing on it, "keep your germs to yourself and cover your fucking mouth!" just to make a point. Now I totally get why the people in China were wearing masks when SARS broken out a few years back. Who wouldn't?
In three days time, I was so sick, I could barely stand. At work, I was walking into people and my graceful steps I usually take were replace with stumbling buffoonish acts of stupidity. For the first time EVER, I asked to leave work. I literally was no use in the work environment AND I also do not believe in giving an illness to my co-workers... well, because I love them. For the next few days, I was almost bedridden. My son wouldn't come near me, my mother was disinfecting the entire house from top to bottom.
What I don't get is why people just do whatever the fuck they want in public and not give to shits about the people around them. Sure, they're not your kin and I wouldn't expect you to jump in front of a moving train for them, but for Christ's sake, at least take the common courtesy and do what is right in public. Cover your mouth, no spitting, cursing unbelievably loud around young children. Obnoxious behavior that had my gut turning in circle deciding if I am going to kill you slowly or if I should make this one a slow and painful, most certainly obnoxious way to die. Not really but you get what I mean.
I know you know what I am talking about and I am sure you've had your share of the public yourself. When you jam pack a park with a bunch of people from all over the world, this is how you spread disease!! Duh! Does that take an astrophysicist to figure that out? No. But if you'd like the world and the people in it to stop spreading harmful diseases, you can start by covering your mouth....
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The 1.5 year Experiment
Hello Bitches! And welcome back! Looks who is back for more fun in the bitchin' sun! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Rachel Mae is back and with a vengeance. You see, I thought I would try a little experiment of my own. Go away for a while, let life take its course, get through the dilemmas I faced with family destruction and the demise of my marriage and see where I end up a year or so in the future. Am I just as observant to the blatantly obvious of the ignorance of people or did I soften a bit?
Well, my friends, I have to say that not only did flipping the bird to numerous family members and my husband make me horribly more aware that the world is filled with more assholes that I would like to have thought, but it has also made me a bright, strong and intelligent woman who knows what battles to choose and which ones to turn my back from. So many people have come and gone, showed me their true colors. And what's more, the fact that I sit before this monitor now is a true testament to the fact that some people can truly change while others may be stuck in their spiral downwards forever, never yielding to the possibility that they may be wrong and that someone may actually prove to be right.
My divorce went fairly slow. Way too slow if you ask me. If I had my way, the moment I left, it would have been easier for me to get it done with than having to go through the legal system of waiting, waiting and more waiting. Because it takes so friggin' long for a divorce to be final, it opens up a world of opportunity for denial to sneak in and grab you. I never faltered, but denial is ever so present in my absent minded previous "bitter half" that still with the finality of it all, continues to pursue as if trying to salvage the relationship. But when confronted with the obvious question, he shrinks into a corner and can never man up to the fact that he let the best thing that could have ever happened to him, walk out of his life and never return again. Nights with numerous woman, a somewhat falsehood of a relationship where pressure bore too much for him and he ran from her as well, only to turn to me, who have always been there. The one who put up with his bullshit for years upon years only to now turn to him and say "oh my gosh, that's a shame. I am so sorry you are going through that". Not your typical "what can I do to rescue you" mentality that I used to have.
No you see, I left my other job in marketing where my work went unappreciated and unnoticed, my idea's stolen and given credit to the creature of yellow hair, and ended up in a job where I am am loving every second of every moment I am there. Why? Because it's a job that I can make a difference at, help others and give myself a piece of satisfaction that I am making some kind of a difference in others lives. My son's most importantly.
He, of all people, I have tried to help the most through everything. He is happy, healthy and aware. He sees things for what they are. When his father tells him he'll be having him on certain days before talking with me, it doesn't surprise me he doesn't pull through with his word. Why? Because if he had spoken to me first, he knows I would hold his balls over a fire of molten lava to make sure he kept his promise. No matter what I am doing, what I have planned, if I make a promise, I make sure to keep it! Lessons in parenthood are as such; NEVER break your promised to your child. The first time you do, the rest will never matter.
Later today, possibly tomorrow, I will recount my recent visit to an amusement park that, for all intensive purposes, had me reeling with anger and frustration and ready to punch the daylights out of each and every park visitor (beside those in my own party, those I was verbally assaulting).
Welcome back to the bitchography!!
Don't forget to comment, send me a line at rachel_mae@live.com to share your stories and are interested in becoming a guest blogger, and remember, to keep those smiles on your face and say what's on your mind. Never be afraid to say you're sorry for telling it like it is. If the rest of the world can't handle it, they can get off the fuckin' boat.
Peace out until later, ya'll!!
Rachel
Well, my friends, I have to say that not only did flipping the bird to numerous family members and my husband make me horribly more aware that the world is filled with more assholes that I would like to have thought, but it has also made me a bright, strong and intelligent woman who knows what battles to choose and which ones to turn my back from. So many people have come and gone, showed me their true colors. And what's more, the fact that I sit before this monitor now is a true testament to the fact that some people can truly change while others may be stuck in their spiral downwards forever, never yielding to the possibility that they may be wrong and that someone may actually prove to be right.
My divorce went fairly slow. Way too slow if you ask me. If I had my way, the moment I left, it would have been easier for me to get it done with than having to go through the legal system of waiting, waiting and more waiting. Because it takes so friggin' long for a divorce to be final, it opens up a world of opportunity for denial to sneak in and grab you. I never faltered, but denial is ever so present in my absent minded previous "bitter half" that still with the finality of it all, continues to pursue as if trying to salvage the relationship. But when confronted with the obvious question, he shrinks into a corner and can never man up to the fact that he let the best thing that could have ever happened to him, walk out of his life and never return again. Nights with numerous woman, a somewhat falsehood of a relationship where pressure bore too much for him and he ran from her as well, only to turn to me, who have always been there. The one who put up with his bullshit for years upon years only to now turn to him and say "oh my gosh, that's a shame. I am so sorry you are going through that". Not your typical "what can I do to rescue you" mentality that I used to have.
No you see, I left my other job in marketing where my work went unappreciated and unnoticed, my idea's stolen and given credit to the creature of yellow hair, and ended up in a job where I am am loving every second of every moment I am there. Why? Because it's a job that I can make a difference at, help others and give myself a piece of satisfaction that I am making some kind of a difference in others lives. My son's most importantly.
He, of all people, I have tried to help the most through everything. He is happy, healthy and aware. He sees things for what they are. When his father tells him he'll be having him on certain days before talking with me, it doesn't surprise me he doesn't pull through with his word. Why? Because if he had spoken to me first, he knows I would hold his balls over a fire of molten lava to make sure he kept his promise. No matter what I am doing, what I have planned, if I make a promise, I make sure to keep it! Lessons in parenthood are as such; NEVER break your promised to your child. The first time you do, the rest will never matter.
Later today, possibly tomorrow, I will recount my recent visit to an amusement park that, for all intensive purposes, had me reeling with anger and frustration and ready to punch the daylights out of each and every park visitor (beside those in my own party, those I was verbally assaulting).
Welcome back to the bitchography!!
Don't forget to comment, send me a line at rachel_mae@live.com to share your stories and are interested in becoming a guest blogger, and remember, to keep those smiles on your face and say what's on your mind. Never be afraid to say you're sorry for telling it like it is. If the rest of the world can't handle it, they can get off the fuckin' boat.
Peace out until later, ya'll!!
Rachel
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Who Died and Made You King of Anything?
Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by
You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?
You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset
I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening
And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?
All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?
Let me hold your crown, babe.
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by
You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?
You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset
I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening
And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?
All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?
Let me hold your crown, babe.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Careless Whisper
I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies, something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen and all those sad goodbyes
I'm never gonna dance again
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I'd been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
And there's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find
I'm never gonna dance again
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I'd been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose the crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me?
Please stay
I'm never gonna dance again
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I'd been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Certain Uncertainties
In your mind, you've got it made up. You are confident and ready. You know where you want to go and you're headed there. And then there's that one person that is a pain in the ass and can't make up their minds if they want to go with you or stay behind. I am referring to changing your life. Sometimes, you come to a crossroads where you are unsure and scared of which way you should take, even though your gut and your heart collectively are telling you to go one certain way. You are firm with your two feet on the ground as a person, completely whole and self fulfilling and the other butthead can't seem to plant one foot next to the other. It's like they're teetering back and forth and are scared of where their feet will land.
Well, all I have to say is; JUST DO IT! For Gods sake, life throws you lots of curve balls, try and catch one for once! Pick your chin up and move toward where you know you belong. Go left or go righ;t don't just stand in the middle. I'm headed in my direction, you gonna follow me or just stand there and watch me walk away? Can you? WILL you? You gotta love when someone you care about just can't seem to HEAR you when you're talking even though you know they do. Everything makes total sense and fits yet fear of rejection and total annihilation grip you. I fight for the things that I want and need in life. I fight for my son, my family. I fight for myself and my rights. I fight for my nephew who has Aspergher's Syndrome. I fight for love and happiness. Where is your fight? What do you fight for?
Some things in life are uncertain, some are certain and some are certain uncertainties; meaning you know what you have to do yet you are afraid to do it because of doubt and fear. Doubt will always present itself. Its a devil of a feeling. Yet when certainty outweighs the uncertainties then you have to take your life and leap of faith. Your life is in your hands, no one else's. Its up to you to make the moves you need to. Was it hard for me to walk away from an 11 year relationship? Hell, you betcha. But I also knew that my happiness was being compromised just because I was afraid of what was on the other side of the fence. I can say that, while I still love my then husband, I can also say that my happiness has skyrocketed. I am finally able to be ME without having to be WE at all times. That's something a lot of people lose when they enter into a union. Its my objective now to make sure the next relationship I am in, I preserve the ME while having a WE and a FAMILY.
So with the certain uncertainties, don't always take the road easiest traveled. Take the one that might get you in trouble yet proposes a much higher probability of happiness.
Oh, and Good Luck.
Well, all I have to say is; JUST DO IT! For Gods sake, life throws you lots of curve balls, try and catch one for once! Pick your chin up and move toward where you know you belong. Go left or go righ;t don't just stand in the middle. I'm headed in my direction, you gonna follow me or just stand there and watch me walk away? Can you? WILL you? You gotta love when someone you care about just can't seem to HEAR you when you're talking even though you know they do. Everything makes total sense and fits yet fear of rejection and total annihilation grip you. I fight for the things that I want and need in life. I fight for my son, my family. I fight for myself and my rights. I fight for my nephew who has Aspergher's Syndrome. I fight for love and happiness. Where is your fight? What do you fight for?
Some things in life are uncertain, some are certain and some are certain uncertainties; meaning you know what you have to do yet you are afraid to do it because of doubt and fear. Doubt will always present itself. Its a devil of a feeling. Yet when certainty outweighs the uncertainties then you have to take your life and leap of faith. Your life is in your hands, no one else's. Its up to you to make the moves you need to. Was it hard for me to walk away from an 11 year relationship? Hell, you betcha. But I also knew that my happiness was being compromised just because I was afraid of what was on the other side of the fence. I can say that, while I still love my then husband, I can also say that my happiness has skyrocketed. I am finally able to be ME without having to be WE at all times. That's something a lot of people lose when they enter into a union. Its my objective now to make sure the next relationship I am in, I preserve the ME while having a WE and a FAMILY.
So with the certain uncertainties, don't always take the road easiest traveled. Take the one that might get you in trouble yet proposes a much higher probability of happiness.
Oh, and Good Luck.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Shut Up and Listen
Ever been in that political conversation with someone where you just don't see eye to eye? Well, this is my daily life. I don't mean to disrespect people, in fact, I think I am the most respectful one within the discussion. However, when you're talking to someone who thinks that their views are the right and only views available, it's like talking to a brick wall. Same with religion. See, with me, there is no right or wrong religion. If you believe it with your heart and soul, then what is to say that it isn't correct? I was raised Catholic and have the core fundamental Catholic beliefs (thought I hate how it is operated from the high levels of the Church) and that doesn't mean my Jewish friend and her beliefs are any less valid than mine. I am annoyed when I try to talk to people about these subjects and they're so perfect that anything I say is discounted as being "brainwashed" or "not as you were taught". Well, what does that mean, exactly? Is Religion taught or found? I believe religion is more found than it is taught. If you teach a child that you MUST have the same thought process as your own, be-it politics or religion (or anything, for that matter), you take away their RIGHT to make honest, educated and personal viewpoints of their own.
For those who just can't let someone get a word in on their point of view, I urge you to SHUT THE HELL UP and LISTEN. Just once. You might learn something. Hear something that makes a little more sense then what you've been taught! See, my Grandmother was a Methodist who later converted to Catholicism. This was a choice she made based on what she had learned on her own and found that the Catholic Church had more similar view points to her own moral and convictions then her current one. Should she have been flanked for her change of heart? NO! In fact, because of her courage, it was then as a child, I wanted to learn more about other religions to better educate myself on what other people believe.
I have an Uncle who is impossible to talk to when it comes to religion. He is all mighty, there is nothing you can say or do that will make him respect you; EVEN IF you are agreeing with him! He's the type that talks and talks and talks about the bible because he can recite it but ask him a genuine question about it and it's all hell breaks loose. I can never have a regular conversation with him because some how, he works God into the equation. Not every conversation you have must have God in it! I understand, and even emencly respect people who are devoted to their Religion, as I am quite religious myself, yet I do NOT PUSH my ideas or views on others. I can have a conversation about it and not be judgemental or hateful towards someone with a different viewpoint than myself. Same for politics. Raised in a Republican house hold, you can imagine my parents defeat when their little girl changed her political affiliation from conservative to liberal and voted for Obama in the last Presidential Election. This mortifies them and sometimes causes a few spats every now and then, but I never go after their Republican roots or their believes (even though I can strongly disagree with some of it) because I respect their ability to choose their beliefs, just as I do mine.
So when you find yourself caught in a situation where you can't get a word in because Mr or Mrs Know-it-All wont shut the hell up, just walk away. Let them know that if you can't say how you feel, they're better off talking to themselves because it has become a one-way conversation.
The End!!
Rachel
For those who just can't let someone get a word in on their point of view, I urge you to SHUT THE HELL UP and LISTEN. Just once. You might learn something. Hear something that makes a little more sense then what you've been taught! See, my Grandmother was a Methodist who later converted to Catholicism. This was a choice she made based on what she had learned on her own and found that the Catholic Church had more similar view points to her own moral and convictions then her current one. Should she have been flanked for her change of heart? NO! In fact, because of her courage, it was then as a child, I wanted to learn more about other religions to better educate myself on what other people believe.
I have an Uncle who is impossible to talk to when it comes to religion. He is all mighty, there is nothing you can say or do that will make him respect you; EVEN IF you are agreeing with him! He's the type that talks and talks and talks about the bible because he can recite it but ask him a genuine question about it and it's all hell breaks loose. I can never have a regular conversation with him because some how, he works God into the equation. Not every conversation you have must have God in it! I understand, and even emencly respect people who are devoted to their Religion, as I am quite religious myself, yet I do NOT PUSH my ideas or views on others. I can have a conversation about it and not be judgemental or hateful towards someone with a different viewpoint than myself. Same for politics. Raised in a Republican house hold, you can imagine my parents defeat when their little girl changed her political affiliation from conservative to liberal and voted for Obama in the last Presidential Election. This mortifies them and sometimes causes a few spats every now and then, but I never go after their Republican roots or their believes (even though I can strongly disagree with some of it) because I respect their ability to choose their beliefs, just as I do mine.
So when you find yourself caught in a situation where you can't get a word in because Mr or Mrs Know-it-All wont shut the hell up, just walk away. Let them know that if you can't say how you feel, they're better off talking to themselves because it has become a one-way conversation.
The End!!
Rachel
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Don't drive like an idiot...
...and then act surprised when you cause an accident!
I recently visited my family up north in Philadelphia. They're on the I95 Stretch, which is a scary beast in and of itself. On the way home from a day in the city, my friend, who had taken me out on the town for the day, was driving me back to the place I was staying when we saw this little death mobile in red zipping through and around cars like it was nobodies business. We both looked at each other and agreed on what a turd the driver was being. As he kept driving, I kept my eyes on the red car, who got more and more bold as they drove. Then I saw it. A triple lane change between heavy traffic and my friend said "oh geeze, that was a horrible accident". Now, I didn't see the accident, but I know that the asshole driving the red car cause it. My friend dialed 911 as we passed three cars on the side of the road, under a bridge. Two cars were totally smashed, as if they had been trying to avoid something, and slammed into the bridge while the third car, the little red death trap was fine but pulled over. I saw this tall, lanky punk get out of the car and put his arms up in anger as if to say "did you see me coming?"
I'm sorry dude, if that was me, you wouldn't even have time to put your hands up; your face would be eating cement that fast. People drive like fuckin' nuts and they don't expect trouble? I just hope hope that asshole gets what is coming to him. He went across three lanes, forces two cars to swerve to avoid him any THEY ended up colliding because of his stupid antics. Why do some people feel the need to drive like idiots? I was telling my friend before the crash "well, lets give him the benefit of the doubt.... he better he going to the hospital or something for his mama" but when he started to drive like a moron, then it became apparent he was showing off for the bitchette in his car. How embarrassed she must have been. I know I would have been and I certainly would never get into a car with that guy again.
I recently visited my family up north in Philadelphia. They're on the I95 Stretch, which is a scary beast in and of itself. On the way home from a day in the city, my friend, who had taken me out on the town for the day, was driving me back to the place I was staying when we saw this little death mobile in red zipping through and around cars like it was nobodies business. We both looked at each other and agreed on what a turd the driver was being. As he kept driving, I kept my eyes on the red car, who got more and more bold as they drove. Then I saw it. A triple lane change between heavy traffic and my friend said "oh geeze, that was a horrible accident". Now, I didn't see the accident, but I know that the asshole driving the red car cause it. My friend dialed 911 as we passed three cars on the side of the road, under a bridge. Two cars were totally smashed, as if they had been trying to avoid something, and slammed into the bridge while the third car, the little red death trap was fine but pulled over. I saw this tall, lanky punk get out of the car and put his arms up in anger as if to say "did you see me coming?"
I'm sorry dude, if that was me, you wouldn't even have time to put your hands up; your face would be eating cement that fast. People drive like fuckin' nuts and they don't expect trouble? I just hope hope that asshole gets what is coming to him. He went across three lanes, forces two cars to swerve to avoid him any THEY ended up colliding because of his stupid antics. Why do some people feel the need to drive like idiots? I was telling my friend before the crash "well, lets give him the benefit of the doubt.... he better he going to the hospital or something for his mama" but when he started to drive like a moron, then it became apparent he was showing off for the bitchette in his car. How embarrassed she must have been. I know I would have been and I certainly would never get into a car with that guy again.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Wait your turn, Bitch!
Picture this. Your town. A local department store. Ten registers in a row and only two of them are operated by a sales person. Both lines have two people in it. For whatever reasons that we wont get into (because that's another Bitchin' post), the sales assistants are taking their good ol' time ringing up their customers that you begin to feel flushed in the face. Its asinine to the point where you just want to scream "What the Fuck is so hard with scanning a stupid outfit?!" Anyway, you stand patiently, as does the woman in the other line. Both of you have been waiting for quite a while when another shopper hops into the line behind you. It's now looking like the registers are going to need a little help. Eventually, someone else makes it to an isle and calls out to help someone. And doesn't it fucking kick your ass when the person who has been waiting the SHORTEST just goes right over with their big cart of bullshit and starts unloading it while you and the other person, who, as I said, have been waiting for eons, look at each other as if you've just been fucked. First; Where the hell is common sense and courtesy in this other person? I mean really? REALLY? You think your that big of the shit that you can just mosey on over you way and get in front of everyone who had been waiting before you. Second: Why the hell doesn't the register attendant SAY SOMETHING? Isn't their job to "take the next person in line, please"? Then, I would also say it would be their job to tell the ignorant assholes that they have to wait their fucking turn and the next person in line is who should have to spot.
This is what happened to your dear old Rachel this afternoon while picking up some running clothes of good ol' Khol's. And you know me. I don't likely keep my mouth shut. So of course, I walk my butt over there and plant my stuff down right on top of hers. "Excuse me!" she says "But what do you think you're doing?"
I look at her and I say "I'm buying my stuff so I can get the hell outta here". She says " I was here first, wait your turn". This, as you can imagine, sent Rachel off on a little irate tangent...
"wait MY turn?" I said, picking up her clothes and shoving them into her arms. "Myself and that other young lady have been waiting for these old buzzards to finish up their customers for over 15 minuets and you have the nerve to tell ME to wait MY turn? Oh lady, please, don't do this to me today. I am not going to be much nicer to you."
She was taken aback that I shoved the clothes in her face AND I could see the other woman STILL WAITING in line, snickering as I gently pushed my butt through. "And YOU" I said to the cashier "you have a duty to make sure that this type of thing doesn't happen. It makes people angry. People like me. So ring me out so I can get the heck outta here".
No words were exchanged after that and I left with my clothes.
Seriously.
Rachel.
This is what happened to your dear old Rachel this afternoon while picking up some running clothes of good ol' Khol's. And you know me. I don't likely keep my mouth shut. So of course, I walk my butt over there and plant my stuff down right on top of hers. "Excuse me!" she says "But what do you think you're doing?"
I look at her and I say "I'm buying my stuff so I can get the hell outta here". She says " I was here first, wait your turn". This, as you can imagine, sent Rachel off on a little irate tangent...
"wait MY turn?" I said, picking up her clothes and shoving them into her arms. "Myself and that other young lady have been waiting for these old buzzards to finish up their customers for over 15 minuets and you have the nerve to tell ME to wait MY turn? Oh lady, please, don't do this to me today. I am not going to be much nicer to you."
She was taken aback that I shoved the clothes in her face AND I could see the other woman STILL WAITING in line, snickering as I gently pushed my butt through. "And YOU" I said to the cashier "you have a duty to make sure that this type of thing doesn't happen. It makes people angry. People like me. So ring me out so I can get the heck outta here".
No words were exchanged after that and I left with my clothes.
Seriously.
Rachel.
WINNING!
I know this has been all over the Internet but this stuff with Charlie Sheen has me really going!! At one end, I feel terrible that such a beautiful human being (not to mention talented) is wasted away. At the other end is absolute victory for us as we watch him go from worse to even further down the pit. Songify This' channel on YouTube has done it again with one hellova spectacular music video from blunder to blunder! And it just wouldn't be right NOT to share it here with you, my lovelies. Because why can't we smile every once and a while after you've been bitched at, cursed at and cut off all day long? ENJOY!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Alone
I hear the tickin' of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
I hope that it won't end though
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?
You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight,
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?
Alone, alone
Friday, March 11, 2011
I'm the Bad Girl Now
I never thought I'd see the day where I became "the bad girl". But all good things must come to an end. I've lived my life with moral code, grace and poise that I forgot to look out for what's really important; my happiness. Having been on the receiving end of terrible words, thoughtless actions and endless nights of loneliness it was high time I started exploring more options on what makes ME happy. If not just for me but for my son. When my happiness suffers, so does his and this I cannot have. I have now been on a quest to find out what is right for me in every aspect from men to work to clothes and activities. I never had a drink in my entire life and now since I have tasted that of which is what those call "tipsy", I wonder to myself "what the hell I was afraid of"? I was the good girl; I didn't drink. I was the good girl, I didn't party. I was the good girl; I didn't pull all-nighters. I am finding these things to be quite interesting and fun when in the right company. I've never dated more than one man. The husband I have kept for years that I am now separated from has been my only knowledge of men and their existence. Not that I don't love him dearly, people change and grow and in our case, we grew in different directions. Perhaps there will be a time where I will return to him when I feel that we are ready to regain our lives on another level, but for now I am interested in building ME. Who is ME and what does ME like to do? What are my hobbies? Where do I like to travel? Where do I want to be in ten years, five years or in one year? I want to know the answers to these questions yet I am beginning to find out that the answers are harder to get than I have originally thought. It is way more complicated and, sometimes, draining. But I'm getting there. Slowly. Step by itty-bitty step. And I imagine there will be more hurt in this process than in anything I have ever experienced in my life...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
In the Summer of 2010...there was....
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
And it's mine....
It's a day that I'm glad I survived
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
And it's mine....
It's a day that I'm glad I survived
Monday, February 21, 2011
4 Ways to tell if someone is not being honest with you
I am not a big fan of people who are one person to someone and another person to me. What happened to "just be yourself"? And unfortunately, I am "blessed" with the ability to spot a fake personality from a mile away. It's gotta be something in my research behind micro-expressions and body language, but 99.999% of the time when I say "there is something not right about that guy" I am right. Among my childhood, I grew up around people who would say one thing, do another and spite the rest. This was grooming me to understand that even those closest to you can be as deceiving as the next. Here are some things to look for in a person when you get that gut feeling that "something just isn't right".
I knew for a very long time that a person very close to me was lying to me. Yet I was blinded by the fact that I had grown up with this person, trusting and loving them and, consequently extending them the benefit of the doubt continuously- no matter what- against my better judgement. This is what I am changing in myself. I have sense closed the door on that aspect of my life, loosing people that didn't need to be lost but were "casualties of war" now. And since closing that door, more have opened for me! I have found family I didn't know were around and true friendship, love and trust that is more rewarding than false love, lies and betrayal. I have an incredible family now that consists of two nephews, two nieces, a brother AND a sister that are awesome people. They life me up, understand my pain and have been instrumental in my believing in trust and family again. So to them, I am most thankful. I guess I am thankful for the past family as well, for showing me what wasn't right for me and pushing me where I belonged. It wasn't with them, that's for sure. And in leaving them, I have found my place.
So when that little voice in your head is telling you someone is not being honest, tread carefully. There could be more than meets the eye staring you in the face.
- Tone of voice. This may vary but most of the time, the pitch will go up an octave when you're being lied to. This is the subjects way of trying to control themselves in the lie they are telling, hoping to convince you, and even themselves, that the lie is true.
- Eye contact. Contrary to popular belief; when a lie is being told, the liar tends to look you right in the eyes so to make you THINK they're telling you the truth. But watch their eyes. Do they wander? What about the pupils? Are the dilated? How about excessive blinking!?
- Body Language. Crossing the arms, hugging themselves, hiding behind an object; these are all signs the person is holding something between you and them. Touching the face, playing with their hair, breathing.
- Trust your gut. Your gut knows when someone isn't being truthful. As my Grandmother would say "if it doesn't make sense, there is a reason for it and it's most likely because they're lying to you".
I knew for a very long time that a person very close to me was lying to me. Yet I was blinded by the fact that I had grown up with this person, trusting and loving them and, consequently extending them the benefit of the doubt continuously- no matter what- against my better judgement. This is what I am changing in myself. I have sense closed the door on that aspect of my life, loosing people that didn't need to be lost but were "casualties of war" now. And since closing that door, more have opened for me! I have found family I didn't know were around and true friendship, love and trust that is more rewarding than false love, lies and betrayal. I have an incredible family now that consists of two nephews, two nieces, a brother AND a sister that are awesome people. They life me up, understand my pain and have been instrumental in my believing in trust and family again. So to them, I am most thankful. I guess I am thankful for the past family as well, for showing me what wasn't right for me and pushing me where I belonged. It wasn't with them, that's for sure. And in leaving them, I have found my place.
So when that little voice in your head is telling you someone is not being honest, tread carefully. There could be more than meets the eye staring you in the face.
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