Monday, February 21, 2011

4 Ways to tell if someone is not being honest with you

I am not a big fan of people who are one person to someone and another person to me.  What happened to "just be yourself"? And unfortunately, I am "blessed" with the ability to spot a fake personality from a mile away.  It's gotta be something in my research behind micro-expressions and body language, but 99.999% of the time when I say "there is something not right about that guy" I am right.  Among my childhood, I grew up around people who would say one thing, do another and spite the rest.  This was grooming me to understand that even those closest to you can be as deceiving as the next.  Here are some things to look for in a person when you get that gut feeling that "something just isn't right". 

  • Tone of voice.  This may vary but most of the time, the pitch will go up an octave when you're being lied to.  This is the subjects way of trying to control themselves in the lie they are telling, hoping to convince you, and even themselves, that the lie is true. 
  • Eye contact.  Contrary to popular belief; when a lie is being told, the liar tends to look you right in the eyes so to make you THINK they're telling you the truth.  But watch their eyes.  Do they wander?  What about the pupils? Are the dilated?  How about excessive blinking!?
  • Body Language.  Crossing the arms, hugging themselves, hiding behind an object; these are all signs the person is holding something between you and them.  Touching the face, playing with their hair, breathing. 
  • Trust your gut.  Your gut knows when someone isn't being truthful.  As my Grandmother would say "if it doesn't make sense, there is a reason for it and it's most likely because they're lying to you". 

I knew for a very long time that a person very close to me was lying to me.  Yet I was blinded by the fact that I had grown up with this person, trusting and loving them and, consequently extending them the benefit of the doubt continuously- no matter what- against my better judgement.  This is what I am changing in myself.  I have sense closed the door on that aspect of my life, loosing people that didn't need to be lost but were "casualties of war" now.  And since closing that door, more have opened for me!  I have found family I didn't know were around and true friendship, love and trust that is more rewarding than false love, lies and betrayal.  I have an incredible family now that consists of two nephews, two nieces, a brother AND a sister that are awesome people. They life me up, understand my pain and have been instrumental in my believing in trust and family again.  So to them, I am most thankful.  I guess I am thankful for the past family as well, for showing me what wasn't right for me and pushing me where I belonged.  It wasn't with them, that's for sure.  And in leaving them, I have found my place.

So when that little voice in your head is telling you someone is not being honest, tread carefully.  There could be more than meets the eye staring you in the face.


Ruth said...

It's good advice :) It's good to hear closing that door opened more :) I'm glad, I always try to remain truthful.

Alittlesprite said...

I am glad you have found some new family members! Family is important and to not have at least some in your life is sad.
I am like you. I can tell when someone isnt what they are portraying themselves to be. I can spot a liar miles off.

Rachel Mae said...

You know what the sad thing is? That I wish I had closed this door a LONG time ago... because my doors would have opened sooner and I would not have had to endure the pain and hatefulness. Although, I understand that going through this has only made me who I am today; A strong woman, mother who has more natural talent in sniffing out the liars before anyone else.