Monday, September 20, 2010

How low can you go?!

So remember that Photographer friend I was telling you about? The one who thinks that because she takes her simple little camera to weddings and takes pictures makes her a professional! Guess what I found her doing now? She desides to make up a fake blog to promote herself! How do I know it is her? I'm a marketing specialist, I know how to read peoples styles. She's not all that smart about it either. The same stuff she posts on her mock blog is the same shit he posts on her "photography facebook page". I can't believe she is litterally defrauding people into thinking she's being backed by another blogger (which is HER) to drag in more business! Now, I don't know what makes a good photographer or a photographer fantastic other than what I see and comparing photos, but if I was someone looking for a photographer, I wouldn't want all my photos in black and white and out of focus. Like, why did you focus on the tree behind me and not me?? If I wanted a family portrait done, are you taking pictures for ME or for YOUR portfolio? It just is amazing to me that this chick is so low and unproductive in her own self promotion that she has to create a FAKE persona to trick people into thinking she's this hail Mary of a photographer! I am so struck by this. It is really unbelieveable. I can't believe someone won't catch onto this; and fast. Because me, as a marketing professional, I know how to spot it... but when you have unsuspecting, innocent people thinking you've been doing this for (as you claim) 12 years (and you are 23??)... somebody needs to call this bitch out fast! Fortunately for me, I just don't want to get involved. I'm more professional than that. But this one really has me laughing!! Thanks girlfriend, for my Monday Morning laugh!!!

Vitamin's and Fuckitol.

These are just one of those days where everything just goes wrong from the moment you roll out of bed. The kid is up late for school, giving me a hard time getting dressed and eating breakfast, the husband has to go in early for work YET AGAIN after a 90 hour work week last week, and I had to run around town making Doctor's appointments, picking up laundry and to top it all off, I HAD to run into someone I dislike more than anybody I could dislike in the world!

How do you keep a cool, calm and collected composure against someone you KNOW has told lies about you, tried to ruin your reputation within your own circle of close friends and family all for the mere fact that she's jealous that you're a genuine person and she's simply not? Not to mention the fact that I would have been happy to pass her without acknowledgement and keep going on my merry way but NOOOO. She has to continue her fakeness and approach me!!? Um hello? Do you not remember the awful, terrible and backstabbing things you did to me? Or do you have that uncanny ability to block that shit out in a desperate attempt at being in my life again? Either way, you saying "hello" to me made me want to punch you in the face. Maybe twice even. Just the sound of her voice was like nails on a chalkboard for me. And of course, for me, my brain-mouth filter doesn't work so well when I'm all worked up so I am not very receiving of this graceless girl's desire to talk to me. "Fuck off" was my response, which shocked her (or maybe she was acting. We all know how these personality types LOVE to play the victim card) and she says something else that I seriously didn't hear. Maybe because I didn't give a shit what she had to say? At that point, I kept walking and filtered her out of my earshot. I was more interested in going and buying my son some new clothes for the new school year. But the Bitch FOLLOWS me, harping on me that I should be more polite because it doesn't "cost a thing". I turned to her and stared her right in the eyes. "You cost me my sanity any time I see you. Get the fuck away from me before I start yelling 'fire!'". She stood still and I walked on.

With all the crap and backstabbing I have dealt with over the past month or so from my own kin, this was the last thing I needed or wanted to happen. And I am so through with trying to "keep the peace" and be the "nice lady"; being politically correct when someone blatantly wronged you and hurt you. Forgiveness is one thing. But that doesn't mean I'll give you another chance after you've shown me your hand. You used my kid as a weapon and expect me to want to even think of letting you back into my life? Get the fuck outta here. Get on with yourself. Find someone else to mooch off of and ruin their life cuz I'm pretty happy where I am at without you in mine.

So by the end of my errands, I needed to make sure I took a good doseage of fuckitol and always remember your vitamins too, ladies!!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Feeling a bit at ease with things

Summer is coming to a close. The kids are back in school. It's still pretty hot out, we wont see cooler temps until about December when everybody thinks it is such a great idea to visit Disney and stock up the highways with tourist traffic. But I am feeling at ease. I thought this was suppose to be a bitch of a blog! Today, even with all the bullshit and hard knocks I've been dealing with, I actually feel like I am more honest with myself and, therefore, can be totally cool with any tricks and games people may try to play against or with me. I am just not all that interested in mind games. Never have been; I just didn't know how to deal with them. I don't play them, I've never been taught, but I know some people who have it down to a science! Really, in some ways, I wish I could do what they do; live in a world where everyone else is wrong and accountable for their actions. I could do and say what ever the fuck I want and it would always be somebody else's fault! What a great way to live!
Fuckin' A. Give me a break. Instead of being drawn into the games; business as usual, I decided I would take myself (and my family) out. And honestly, I never felt better! When I let go of all the anxiety, fear and disgust I was able to be more true to who I am as a person and operate in a more functional way. To be or not to be. Dysfunctional, that is. And I choose not to be. How about you?

How many lies will you tell...

...before you start to believe them?? What I find fucking unbelievable is the self loathing I have come to see in my fellow man in recent weeks. Why do so many people feel the need to direct their anger that belongs in a completely different place towards someone who really has nothing to do with it? I find these cases mostly at the Supermarket. I believe you are familiar with how much I HATE THE SUPERMARKET. Something always goes down, gets on my nerves or makes me want to vomit when I go food shopping. Which is partly why I spare my son the disgrace of humans fending for food (which is typically what we end up doing at the market) by going while he's in school and not drag him along. Hell, I remember being dragged along with my Grandmother when I was a child and just how much I hated it! I hated it then and I hate it now.

Anyway, I'm getting off track. People really hate themselves. I rarely see someone, at least in my area of Florida, where someone is genuine in their smiles and laugh. In the Supermarket, I watched as a young woman with a child (who seemed more like a nanny and not the mother of the child because of how more connected she was with the child... why is that? Well, here in Florida, many woman are so wealthy they can afford nanny's to raise their kids and the nanny's tend to have more of a connection with the children then their own parents) but this Mommy-Nanny (whatever) was clearly agitated from an unknown previous problem that most likely occurred before she even entered the supermarket. None-the-less, an older woman (who I am usually at war with but was supportive of here) accidentally bumped into her cart (as the Mommy-Nanny had her cart halfway out in the isle) and the Mommy-Nanny went fucking off her rocker! I mean, she really LIT into this woman that I thought for sure she was going to punch her. The child started crying and the old woman started crying, saying she hadn't meant to bump her cart. "Put your bifocals on you old bitch" this woman said. I was amazed at how everyone was more entertained and watching than concerned and about to step in. So, sizing up myself, the woman with the child and the older lady, I stepped in between them. "Why don't you take a moment to calm down. I am sure this can be resolved-" but I couldn't finish. Like most self loating, hateful people who project their anger onto the innocent and those more likely to just take it, she prevented me from continuing to talk. She was so close in my face, I could smell her breath. "What an example you are setting for your child. You must be so proud of yourself" I said. "Why don't you just get yourself out and walk away? Is that so hard? Figure out what the fuck you're REALLY angry about and GET CONTROL of yourself!" She stared at me a moment, the older woman calmed down a bit. I think the situation had run it course and the woman knew I was speaking reasonably.
Everyone kinda just diffused after that and went their own ways. I was wondering the rest of my shopping where the fuck the managers where. Do you notice a common theme in things that happen when your out at a store and the managers are MIA? It happens more than you think, or like it to be but I think, especially in my town, the management pool is crap. They're either teenagers, college students half hungover or an Adult trying to fit in with the kids and teens more than doing a good job.
Still, the point of me sharing this story is that I am sick and fucking tired of people who spit out their anger that they actually probably feel for themselves at someone who least deserves it. It is easy to spit at someone that you think or see as weak.

How many lies must a person tell themselves before they start believing them? If you have a problem with someone, talk with them and not through a third party. You can't expect someone to know something is wrong if you keep it inside and then let it explode on someone who would never see it coming. So I challenge you to take a look at your anger when you feel it and try to find out where it's REALLY coming from. Whose problem is it that you are angry and about to blow? The other person's? No. Get over yourself. Seriously, take control of your own anger and stop blaming everyone else that steps in your path. I know a few people in my life could certainly benefit from a little truth.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

To Bitch about yourself...

This time, I'm taking the high road. Instead of pointing the finger as it has become the norm and play the "blame-game", I've decided to take a look at myself. Why is it that I get aggravated at the irritating, rude, backstabbing, unloving nature of society? Who's problem is it really? Mine? Yours? Actually, it is every one's but nobody takes care of it. However, I am going to delve deeper into myself to see why things always seem to come at me with such intensity and anger that I seem weak. Well, I'm not. I'm pretty strong actually. To put up with bull-shit and lies for over ten years take guts and strength to get through without tearing yourself apart. So, here I am going to bitch about myself!

I am the type of person that will try to befriend the hurt. Those that are down at their weakest, I tend to gravitate towards them. But what happens after I help lift them up is I end up going down; taking their feelings and making them my own to help get them out of their slump. It works, they're thankless and move on and leave me tattered and worn. So, I am making a promise to myself to recognise and stay away from fucked up, backstabbing, lying assholes. I have been around them and friends with them enough now that I know just by looking to turn the other way.

I am a scapegoat. An easy target for others to blame their problems on. Instead of taking a look at the deeper issues rooted in themselves, I tend to be the one people turn to and say "let's get her and make her the problem". Now, a REAL bitch would NOT, by any means, put up with this. It would be fists up and words out but me? Well, I tend to just clam up, take it to "keep the peace" and go on living as every one's punching bag. I am making another promise to myself to recognise THESE people and get as far away from them as physically possible.

I have a FANTASTIC friend that stands by me, understands me and supports me. And in return, I am able to do the same for her. Though we live miles away from each other, distance is never an issue. Time isn't either. We pick up where we leave off, but most of the time, we're calling each other, texting or facebooking to make sure we're both "hanging in there". Sometimes, families can really put the screws to you and we've both had our share so we can lean on each other when there seems to be no one else.

I am a strong person, able to take what most people would fold in two minuets. But this also is a weakness, or at least can be seen as one. I need to learn how to make this an even stronger part of my personality so that the opportunity to approach and attack me is null and void in the minds of the demented.

What I hate most about myself is my fucking stubbornness. Believing people will change and going back and back and back for more of the same treatment is just plain stupid. Yes, I am calling myself stupid. HOWEVER, now-a-day, it is a mission of mine to stop the cycle and create barriers and limits to what I will allow in my life. I believe people deserve the benefit of the doubt, but should I be a tart and think that they get it 2,000 times?? No. So fuck me for being an idiot! Duh you dumb bitch!

And with that, I close by saying; I know I am a pretty decent person and I now have the ability to become an even BETTER person with these lesson's I have learned. What about yourself can you bitch about and learn from?