Friday, December 31, 2010

Peace Out 2010

You can go where you belong. Behind me. Anyone I let go of can stay there too. Some decisions were mine, others were made for me. Either way, things in life happen for a reason and I intend to learn from life's lesson's rather than turn a blind eye again. This year was difficult for many reasons, ones that are still painfully present in my mind yet I am optimistic that 2011 is MY year to be ME. My year that I will step up, step out and move on to a bigger, better and brighter future.

So Peace Out 2010. I have no more need for you.

-Rachel

New Years Resolution

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Girl's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Girl In
The Mirror

I'm Asking Her To Change
Her Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Girl In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Her To Change
Her Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change

Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change

I'm Starting With The Girl In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Her To Change Her
Ways
(Change Her Ways)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That
. . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!

I'm Starting With The Girl In
The Mirror,
(Girl In The Mirror!)
I'm Asking Her To Change
Her Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While
You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your
Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your
Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . .
Mind!)
That Girl, That Girl, That
Girl, That Girl
With That Girl In The Mirror
(Girl In The Mirror)
That Girl, That Girl, That Girl
I'm Asking Her To Change
Her Ways
(Better Change!)
You Know . . .That Girl
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself
!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change,
Today
!
(Girl In The Mirror)

Make That Change.

I miss you so much...

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Tainted Love

Sometimes I feel I've got to run away
I've got to get away
From the pain you drive into the heart of me.
the love we share seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light for I toss and turn -
I can't sleep at night.

Once I ran to you
now I'll run from you

This tainted love you've given -
I give you all a girl could give you.
Take my tears and that's not living - oh
tainted love - tainted love.

Now I know I've got to run away
I've got to get away.
You don't really want it any more from me -
To make things right I need someone to hold me tight

And you'll think love is to pray but I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Once I ran to you
now I'll run from you

Don't touch me please - I cannot stand the way you tease.
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm gonna pack my things and go.

Tainted love.

My Little Sister; a Guest Bloggers Story.

Guest Blogger; Ruth from "let's be splendid about this..." shares some of her experiences with us!

So, I have a younger sister, she's 16 now. I'm the first to admit we argue and fight as much as any other pair of siblings. I'm not proud of it and whenever we argue, I feel horribly guilty afterwards. But she is my little sister, and as such, I love her, whether we are racing each other in the pool, playing the PlayStation's or watching The Simpsons; her favorite show. I am protective of her.

Now, she is mildly autistic. She finds it difficult to adjust to new routines, she doesn't like loud noises, she gets easily freaked out and socially, she finds it difficult to fit in. However, she is able to go to a mainstream school. This mean's she faces mainstream problems- like bullying for example. It'd be difficult to find someone who hasn't been subjected to it. But my sister is not able to defend herself, like most kids. She doesn't understand but she knows she is being made fun of. I couldn't protect her; I was in a different school. She went to one with better integration facilities. But the amount of times she came home in tears, because of some stupid little bitch or group of dickhead boys had been teasing her made me want to march myself right up to them and yell until I was hoarse.

It probably wouldn't do much good. For all I know, they would laugh at me and make fun of her more. My solution to dealing with little shits like that is to simply walk away. I have never felt the urge to bully someone or make his or her life miserable like that. And to pick on someone who is more vulnerable that most, is the most cowardly act I can think of.

One time, I had to pick my sister up from school and bring her home on the train (she won't go by herself, she is unsure of public transport). So I did and as we were sitting there, a group of boys walked past from her school. She stiffened. They pointed and laughed, knowing that this is all it would take to stir her. I felt like saying "You think you're so funny! I'd like to see where you are in five years time; sniffing paint and on the dole I bet!" Or something along those lines. Even just to say "Fuck off!" would have been bliss. Not a very witty retort, is it? That's why I sat down again. All I could do intone to my sister was "Ignore them, they're not worth it." And she looked at me and said "I know, I just ignore them now".

This year has been much better. She talks about her friends she sits with at lunch, and there have been much less teary days. She's a lot stronger than some people think. But what makes me sad is that people like these boys will always exist. And not everyone is as strong as my sister.

-Ruth-

I want to thank you, Ruth, for sharing your sisters story. I am well aware of the affects of autism and know how difficult it can be on the child and their life. And children like those you describe in your post come from home where I wish I could beat the living shit out of the parents. Because, let's face it, it all starts at home. You are right; little shits like that will always exist and I am so glad to hear that your sister has the ability to rise above them, know it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with their own self esteem (or lack of it). And it also saddens me to know that there aren't other suffering as she or the effects of bullying that cannot see past the assholes the bullies are. It's one of my biggest peeves. My son is five and already suffering the effects of being bullied. They start younger every year. And while a good "FUCK YOU!" might feel good, it does nothing but make matters worse. So kudos to you, your sister, your family. You have grace, class and poise that will win this battle.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Some People Know Not What They Do...

Or they do and they just don't give a fuck... I happen to know some people of the latter... sucks, doesn't it?

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Excuse Me, Bitch



How many of you have been out this Holiday Season shopping for someone special? I am willing to bet that 90% of my readers are doing the crazy last minuet shopping experience. And I am guilty as sin, yes Ma'am, I am. I can't usually wait to give a gift so I prevent myself from going shopping until the very last second. But this yields the ugly truth of the season. Fuck all the "Merry Christmas'", "Happy Holidays" "Happy Hanukkah" or whatever, it is every Bitch for themselves out there! The men are so pissed off they're being dragged out AGAIN with the woman for MORE shopping (like she has MORE TO DO) and the woman? Well they just run you the fuck over like you don't even take up space or occupy it. The best are the ones who pretend they don't know where the LINE begins and jumps all the way in front of the already pissed off and irritated crowd, and then it ends in one of two ways. The person next in line flips the fuck out or the cashier has to tell the person to go to the back of the line. Either one ends badly with someone using the "F" word more than once and irritating the line of people even more.

Case in point on subject #1; I'm walking out of the sports store after waiting in line for a half hour to by ONE jersey, and as I am walking out, this big fat ass of a woman just slams into me, knocking me into the glass doorway and keeps walking. There is NO WAY she didn't know she did that; I'm so sorry your fat ass can't fit through a double doorway, but holy shit, do you HAVE to knock the little people down on your way in? Dude, I fuckin' lost it. She had been person #3 on my slap list and once I hit #3, I've hit tilt. I turned and yelled at her "Merry Christmas Bitch, don't forget to say 'Excuse me' next time your fat ass decides to knock someone into a wall".
Yes people. I did say that. I was pissed. And, as a previous post stated; it is the MOST FUCKED UP time of year. Screw that, no more nice me. Thank GOODNESS I am finished with my shopping as of today. I can't take these mall rats any longer.

The next case in point was in the same store as I was waiting in line. The line pillar said "Line starts here" and there were about 20 people in line, I was second. Another woman, older I have to admit, standing behind someone at check out, I just KNEW was trying to get her way in and out without anyone in line noticing. Unlike my previous weekly post where I had to shout at the woman that there was a line, the clerk actually told her she needed to get to the back of the line. "oh, there's a line?" she said, like she didn't know. Laughably, the person in front of me says "oh com'on now stupid. You don't think for one second we believe you didn't know that. It's Christmas for CHRISTS sake! Get to the back of the line and wait your turn". If I could have hugged that woman, I would have but who knows if she would have pulled a gun on me or what; you never know these days. Still, cussing and moaning the entire way to the back of the line, the rest of us were just smirking at her like "looser, get serious".

Victory!!!!!


Saturday, December 18, 2010

So I'll be on my way...

Wrap me in a bolt of lightning
Send me on my way still smiling
Maybe that's the way i should go
Straight into the mouth of the unknown

Left the spare key on the table
Never really thought i'd be able to say
I merely visit on the weekend
I lost my whole life and a dear friend

I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No never mind
God knows i've tried

Call me a sinner call me a saint
Tell me it's over i'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite call me the worst
Tell me it's over i don't want you to hurt
It's all that i can say so i'll be on my way

I finally put it all together
But nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine
I had to say goodbye for the last time

I kept my whole life in suitcase
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that's the way it should be
You know i've led my life like a gypsy

I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No never mind
God knows i've tried

Call me a sinner call me a saint
Tell me it's over i'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite call me the worst
Tell me it's over i don't want you to hurt
It's all that i can say so i'll be on my way

I'll always keep you inside
You healed my heart and my life
And you know i tried

Call me a sinner call me a saint
Tell me it's over i'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite call me the worst
Tell me it's over i don't want you to hurt
It's all that i can say so i'll be on my way
So i'll be on my way so i'll be on my way

If You Only Knew

If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I'd lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned


It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew

If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that went wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,
Or letters that I sent

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew
If you only knew

If you only knew
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
You help me live and learn

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, believe in is you
I still believe in you
Oh, if you only knew

Sound of Madness

Yeah, I get it,
You're an outcast.
Always under attack.
Always coming in last,
Bringing up the past.
No one owes you anything.
I think you need a shotgun blast,
A kick in the ass,
So paranoid. . .
Watch your back!!

Oh my, here we go...

Another loose cannon gone bi-polar
Slipped down, couldn't get much lower.
Quicksand's got no sense of humor.
I'm still laughing like hell.
You think that by crying to me
Looking so sorry that I'm gonna believe,
You've been infected by a social disease.
Well, then take your medicine.

I created the Sound of Madness.
Wrote the book on pain.
Somehow I'm still here,
To explain,
That the darkest hour never comes in the night.
You can sleep with a gun.
When you gonna wake up and fight... for yourself
?

I'm so sick of this tombstone mentality,
If there's an afterlife,
Then it'll set you free.
But I'm not gonna part the seas
You're a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You think that crying to me,
Looking so sorry that I'm gonna believe,
You've been infected by a social disease.
Well, then take your medicine.


I created the Sound of Madness.
Wrote the book on pain.
Somehow I'm still here,
To explain,
That the darkest hour never comes in the night.
You can sleep with a gun.
When you gonna wake up...
When you gonna wake up and fight
...


When you gonna wake up and fight... for yourself?

Friday, December 17, 2010

I Should've Listened

There's clothes all over the floor
I don't remember them being here before
Smell of perfume isn't here, why's lipstick on the mirror?
And still I don't understand

No pictures left in the hall, there's three new holes in my wall
Where the hells my credit cards, why's my wallet in the yard
And still I don't understand

Well now I guess I should've listened
When you said you'd had enough
A little trick I picked up from my father
In one ear and out the other, whys love gotta be so tough?

Should see the look on my face, my shit's all over the place
Why's this happening to me, why'd you take both sets of keys?
And still I don't understand

Well now I guess I should've listened
When you said you'd had enough
A little trick I picked up from my father
In one ear and out the other, Whys love gotta be so tough?
Well now I guess I should've listened

There's clothes all over my floor
I don't remember them being here before
There are no candles in here, lipstick still on my mirror?
And still I don't understand

Now I guess I should've listened
When you said you'd had enough
A little trick I picked up from my father
In one ear and out the other, why must life be so tough?

Well now I guess I should've listened
When you said you'd had enough
A little trick I picked up from my father
In one ear and out the other, whys love gotta be so tough

A Father's Letter

The Guest Blog has already received numerous emails!! I found the following letter from a single father of a new baby girl to be the most touching. Written before the child was born, this father explains his fears and excitements as he waits for his baby girl to arrive.


Hey Princess! I'm writing you this letter a month before you are due to be born. I'm gonna save this for you until you are older so you can appreciate this more. So I hope you enjoy it!!

It's a crazy feeling while waiting to become a parent. I'm so excited, scared, but most of all happy while waiting for you to join our world. Its such an amazing feeling to honestly love someone so much without even seeing your face yet!! I just know you are gonna be so adorable and grow up to be a beautiful woman. Let me apologize before hand for chasing away all your boyfriends and being so protective of you. A father just can't help it! I want you to know that I already love you with all my heart. I always wanted a child and to become a father. I'm also glad it happened with your mother. Me and your mom have tried before and even though you were a suprise to us, we both wanted you more than you could ever possibly imagine. When we found out we were gonna have a baby everyone we told said they hope we have a girl. Your mom wanted a little girl and so did I. Luckily thats exactly what God had planned for us too! Soon as we found out about you we went out and got all these cute pink outfits to dress you in and this only added to our excitment waiting for you.

I am ready to be the one to guide you through this life. I will always be there for you no matter what. Im gonna protect you and provide for you everything I can. Mostly you will always receive my love. Its so amazing knowing that I had a part in making who you are and what you wil eventually look like. It's been unreal watching your mom getting bigger as you keep growing inside of her. I remember the first time I felt you kicking inside of her and I will be there to watch you be born. Hopefully your dad doesnt faint! Its been a long nine months and we are almost there!!

So I must admit my reasons for writing all this for you. As you get older you will learn that life isnt always the easiest thing and its not always full of happiness. Don't get me wrong, life isnt all bad, it's just that everyone has their problems that must be dealt with and its all about how we learn to deal with them. Me and your mom each have our own personal demons that we have to deal with on a daily basis. For myself, I can never be the father I am or could be if I dont deal with my own. I want you to know that because of you I choose each day not to falter along the way. I want to see you take your first steps and hear you speak for the first time. I want to be be there when you go to school for the first time and be there when you graduate college. Im promising you today that I will be there for you and will never break my promises to you.

I know this statememnt may be hard for you to understand, but you have played a big part in me helping myself save my life. Only I can do that for me you understand. But even so, You have given me the motivation, courage, and willingness it takes to finally battle my own personal demons head on, and like I said I will not let you down or ever stop fighting and give up.

So I would like to say thank you to you for bringing so much joy into my life. And always know that I love you now and will forever after.



Love,

Dad

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Bitches Unite!

Ok my friends, the time has come for your turn to bitch! I am opening up the Bitchography for you!

What does this mean?

In simple terms, I want you to be a guest blogger on the website! I am sure we all have things that we'd like to bitch and moan about and what better place than the Bitchograhy?! So, send me your stories! Write up a post and I will do my best to get it up! Also open would be the Q&A section of the blog where you can ask me a question in regards to certain bitchin' situations... like how to deal with a meddling mother-in-law, a work-aholic husband or a tantruming ten year old!

Send all posts and questions to rachel_mae@live.com. Please include if you would like to remain anonymous or if you'd like your name to be signed off on at the end.

I look forward to hearing your stories! I have shared just the tip of the ice burg of mine so lets hear yours!!

Rachel

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Smile, it confuses people.

Have you even been in the middle of a nasty argument, stopped, looked and smiled at your foe? How confusing is that!! One second, you're calling them a "bitch" and a "backstabber" and the next, you are standing in front of them, smiling. Do this the next time you encounter your "bitch". If I had done this in one or more occasions, I would have really turned the tides of the outcome. I bet, in all honesty, I would have burst out laughing. Knowing what I know now, I laugh at myself for being so blind in certain situations and a good smile, nod and a giggle could have really proven to be the right course of action. Not to make things better. Oh no. This is a Bitchography. I don't tell you how to make life simple and sweet. I tell you how it is and how things can go so very wrong when even a smile is made. Yes a sweet, kind smile can be twisted into the deepest manipulative tactic, so why worry? Just smile your way through an argument. There is really no point in continuing your your battle when you know the other person can't really hear what you are saying. So smile! Laugh! When you know the other person can't even bend in the slightest because their pride is in the way, this is when you can show them just how stupid they really are. Smiling back at them will infuriate them!

I used to do this when I worked as a teller at a bank. When a customer would get pissed because they overdrew their account; they'd almost always start yelling. I would have nothing to do with it but somehow it was always the tellers fault. So, I would direct them to customer service with a smile and a head tilt. I was young and cute so it would make them even angrier because this little 18 year old teller was kindly telling them to take their bum ass over to a CSR and duke it out with them. A smile went a long way whenever someone would try to cash a check that didn't have funds in the account. Again, my fault the money wasn't there. I became known as the teller that could "kill 'em with kindness" because I always smiled no matter what!

So I say SMILE! IT CONFUSES PEOPLE! And please! Let me know if you have any success with this!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I can't cook...

I have never been proud to admit that I am not the type of girl that can slave over a stove and cook up a feast for 20 people (or two for that matter) that is delicious and good looking all at the same time. I sit back and watch my mother just throw ingredients into a pot with her hands, knowing just how much to grab and I am always searching for the measuring cup and still screwing it up!! My only blessing is that I am Italian so I made it a point to at least learn how to cook those dishes. Anything else is off the table. Literally. I tried meatloaf one time and really... it was disgusting! You know it's bad when the dog even spits it out! I am in total envy of a woman that can cook, bake and make fabulous dishes all in a days work. Maybe that's my problem... I work too much and thus, can't get enough cooking time in to learn. I swear though, I can do a mean PB&J!!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Moving is no fun


So I'm moving right. Ok, no big deal, no? HELL YEAH IT IS! I fucking HATE packing! URGH it is the most mindless task in the world aside from watching that little ball on your desk go back and fourth, waiting for it to stop. I love to unpack, redecorate and make my own little spaces mine, but the packing up and getting it done... I have no choice but to procrastinate until I am under the gun. I find I get more done that way then doing it over a period of time. In one fell swoop, my mind is focused and running a mile a minuet because I now have time against me and this makes me fly faster through the obviously loathed job of packing. Packing everything from stupid little things I've accumulated over the years to the very things that make me, ME... I just HATE it. Lets get this over with, shall we?!

Just when you think life can't get any worse....

Trust me... it can.

Monday, December 6, 2010

You need a muzzel

Sometimes, I just want to reach across the counter at the people serving me at a fast food joint and strangle them. Either they're 16 years old and have no idea what the concept of cash back means or they're in their 50's/60's working for minimum wage and hating every moment of it.

Today, I took my mother out for a day of retail therapy. She and I both needed it. We've been through a lot these last few months with people playing mind games, pitting children against us and using every means possible to track what we're doing and finding ways to push us down even more. I called her up and told her "today, we're going out!". Towards the end of our shopping spree, we both noticed that we hadn't eaten anything all day so we went to the local pretzel factory to grab in a good munchie and a drink. The older woman behind the counter took my order first (even though Mom and I were ordering together). I asked for a simple plain pretzel. My mother asked for an "almond pretzel" but when the woman reached for the pretzel in the display case, my mother stopped her. "Do you think you could give me another one? This one looks like it has been sitting for quite a while". The woman behind the counter gave her this stare that I certainly did not like; you know that look someone gives you when they think you have three heads because they can't comprehend what it is that you're asking of them. Still, she pulls the pretzel out of the case and holds it up to her face, like she was inspecting it. Looking at my mother, she just continues to stare and then turns her eyes to me. "Don't you haven't anything more recent?" I asked. "That looks old and I wouldn't want to eat it." The woman in the back preparing the other pretzels stated that we'd have to wait for about 15 minuets before another almond pretzel would be available. My mother, who is starting to become hard of hearing, asked for the young lady in the back of the room to repeat herself but since I had heard her myself, I just repeated to my mother "they won't have any for a bit". The older woman at the counter, STILL HOLDING the old almond pretzel like an idiot holds a pencil, stares at her. "Well, then do you have something else?" my mother asks. "Like what?" Asked the woman. At this point, I am getting pissed. Her tone of voice, her body language and facial expression all said to me that she thought my mother was half stupid for asking for a fresh pretzel. "We have salt pretzels." she said. My mother asked her to repeat herself one more time, as the noise in the mall was loud and even I could barely hear her. "Salt." the woman said "S. A. L. T."

When she did that, I about lost my mind! I knew then she was not going to like what I was going to say next. She even glanced at me, knowing she had crossed a line and tried a smile at me to check to see how receptive I was of her nasty and condescending tone. I did not smile back and she knew she was in trouble. After ordering up our drinks, I handed my mother the pretzels and told her to go take a seat at a table behind us, that I would be over in a moment after I treated her to her pretzels.

"$9.95" the woman said to me.

"I did not appreciate the way you spoke to me mother" I said .

"I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

"You knew exactly what you were doing, and frankly it was rude and wrong. One of these days, you're going to come across someone who won't be as reserved as I and they'll really rip you one."

I took my drinks and turned to walk away, with her shouting behind me "I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

to which I turned and said "You knew EXACTLY what you were doing and I didn't like it."

After that, she was a nervous wreck behind the counter. I was watching from my table. All of a sudden, she became this pleasant, upbeat, kind "order taker". Where was this kind, caring, laughing soul when we came to visit her? She wasn't there. Finally, telling someone off actually HAD an effect!!!

Rachel -1
Pretzel Bitch -0

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I never have enough middle fingers

With all the bitches in my life, I can never seem to find enough middle fingers to go around these days. In one area, I walked away from the bitch of bitches thus removing myself from the rest of her pod; and on the other hand walking away never gave me the opportunity to tell them how I really felt. Years of persistent and purposely induced isolation, lies and fabrications about my characters followed by the ultimate betrayal; the "I love you" phrase that everyone needs and wants to hear. I have learned never to say these words unless they are truly meant. It can be so damaging to someone when they learn "I love you" was said out of pure hatred and, even humor; thinking it is funny to lead someone to believe they are loved when they're not. I am what I am and I have learned that approval is not needed from anyone by any stretch of the imagination. You either love me for me or just get the fuck out of my life. Period. No more petty games, no more "I'll talk to you later's" and then don't, no more playing to see who can piss me off the fastest. That's pretty much over. The only thing I wish I could do is shove my middle finger in your face and tell you what a petty, dirty, disgusting person you are for all that you intentionally do. I dare you now, try me. Try me now.

Movies




I hate watching a movie with someone who has a big mouth and has already seen it one hundred times to the point where they know the script front to back. So what was almost a fun movie experience turns into a blabbering nightmare of "oh wait, here comes the good part" and quoting the punch line before it actually is punched. I know who I would like to punch in that particular situation. Seriously... if you have seen a movie and want to watch it again, do so with tact PLEASE. Must you HAVE to show how nerdy you really are by quoting the movie all the way? No please, spare me your knowledge. I'll be more likely to walk away and watch the movie alone than have Happy Know-it-all tell me the story line by line!!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Old People Lie too!

Alright, so I am waiting in line for a prescription for my son who has a terrible ear infection. I have one woman in front of me (besides the one at the counter). Then, her "friend" appears, all old white hair, big fat black sun glasses, long coat WAY too warm for the weather down here... They get to talking. I'm thinking to myself "If this old bat tries to get in front of me I swear..." . The old woman who approached her friend said something about me being behind her, to which to other old fart says "you're with me". I'm thinking "oh HELL NO. You fucking old bitch, your time is not any more valuable than mine!" But I wait. I wait and give the old "ladies" the benefit of the doubt. Never do that! Then, the person at the counter leaves and up walks the line jumper. Oh I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. "Excuse me" I said "I believe I was before you". The other old fucker says "she's with me." "Oh really?" I ask, "are you buying your prescriptions together?" and they give me a look that could have shot me cold "yeah" and turn, shaking their heads at me. Here's the problem. She wasn't buying her prescriptions at the same time, she fucking LINE jumped ahead of me because I'm young, I'm pretty and she thinks the world owes her a big fat everything on a silver platter.
After the line jumper steps out of line, so did I and I got right in her face "You lied." I said "You bold face lied. You're time is no more precious than mine you old fucker. I have a five year old at home in agony. Let that rest on your conscience. And if you can lie to a complete stranger like this, what on earth can you do to those closest to you? Fuck off".

Can you tell I was pissed? Maybe I could have been a little more tactful but it boils my blood when others think they are more important than the other, without knowing anything about them. It's a "I'm in my own world" world these days. Step out of your bubble people are realize that there are people out there around you're "world" that are JUST as important.

My two cents on that subject. I fucking hate liars. And I hate OLD LIARS worse.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Selective Hearing

How many of you ladies out there have significant others who suffer from "Selective Hearing"? I am, sadly, one of the millions of you who are joined at the hip to a wonderful man who suffers from this ailment. And by ailment, I mean HEAD up his ASS problem.

Tell me if this sounds familiar:

It is night time. Your kids are asleep and you and your honey are watching TV. You've been under the weather for a few days and the house is less than stellar. Yet you have company coming tomorrow and would be mortified if you're company would come into your home with it a little messy as it is currently. You think, "I can clean this up, but I would really love to go to bed". So you turn to your loved one and say "Hey, I'm pretty tired and I've got company coming in the morning. Do you think you could clean up a little before you come to bed?" In my case, my husband said "no problem, what do you need done?" (Keep in mine, we're watching Thursday Night Football. I tell him the living room and the kitchen need some TLC. He nods and off to bed I go.

I wake up, feeling refreshed and much better than the previous days and get my son ready for school... yet when I come down the steps the living room and kitchen and in even WORSE shape than they were last night! Someone thought having midnight snack of cereal would be good... except forgot I had company coming in less than an hour!

Would this not make you want to just out of your skin? If you couldn't do it, TELL ME the TRUTH and I could do it myself. False promises just to make me feel good at the time is going to infuriate me even more when I find out what RALLY happened during my sleeping hours!

So selectively, my husband heard "Clean up the living room if you get a chance" when I said "I am having company tomorrow, I need the living room and kitchen cleaned up, can you do it?".

I am just wondering if there are any other ladies (or even you young men too!!) who have spouses with "Selective Hearing".

Oh and please, this does not just stay with significant others. Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousin's, Boss' and every other type of people you can think of will most likely suffer this from time to time (including yourself/myself).

Just wondering....

Scorned

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..."

No phrase written on the face of the earth could not have been more true. And believe me, a woman doesn't necessarily get scorned by her lover. She is lied to and back stabbed by her best friends, her family and sometimes, she is her own worse enemy. Backing a scorned woman into a corner is bound to have some most violent and turbulent consequences. I have had a lifetime of lies thrown at me, as we all well know, by people I trusted with my life. And in doing so, I lost parts of my life I can never get back and wish I had followed that little voice in my head that said "don't listen to her, she isn't telling you the whole story". When you trust blindly as I, you are destined to become a furious, scorned woman. There are parts of me that throw up my past and let the wind take it away. "See you never!" I would say. Then, there is the other part of me; the anger and betrayal that I feel, that wants my revenge. My Fury can't get me what I want. To tell her she's a bitch, that she is a perfect example of WHY I do not trust anyone. If someone is so powerful that their lies are able to craft someone else's main existence then there is nothing one can do about it; unless they realize their problem as physiological and seeks professional help. But I doubt that. People in "power positions" like this tend to feed off the high they gain after they tell their lies and they are believed.

So go on with yourself. You've tried to take me down and tried to ruin me. You have only made me more aware of myself, my priorities and truth in love and lies. I know how to read people and their true intentions. Thanks to you, no one can be fake to me; because I have known fakeness my entire life. Go pity on yourself. Feel "sorry" for what you didn't do... blame yourself to those who will listen. I know it is just an act and you feel nothing. In the end, I believe your goal is to be alone. Now that I am out, who is next to go?

You've got to pick someone....

It's the most Fucked up Time of the Year!

Yes, I am talking Christmas. Spare me your Euell-tide greetings, fake hugs and gifts. I know this is all just a showcase of who can buy the most to make themselves look the best and there-for, the most loved. Pah-lease. You sicken me.

Not to mention this season never brings out the best in our fellow human-beings either. Pushing, shoving, fighting in the toy store for that stupid little ELMO that their kid HAS to have or they'll simply die. Really? REALLY? Of Elmo-withdraw? I know I want to give my precious child everything I can for Christmas, but I'm not about to push, shove and elbow someone else to get it! "Please" and "Thank you" have been forgotten and have been replaced with "get the fuck out of my way bitch!" and "I was in line first!". So much for patience, kindness and caring that the season was built on (besides the mythical Character of Santa Claus that wiggles his nose and his fat ass can fit down any size chimney to put gifts under a Christmas Tree that ignite thousands of house fires a year!). The spirit of Santa Claus is NOT mystical, however. He stands for giving, kindness and thoughtfulness that we humans tend to forget all year round until, WHOOPS! It is Christmas! Time to get gifts for everybody (even if we don't like them, it is politically correct). Well no, how about you just suck up your guts, grow a pair and just be a nice person for once? Or is that too much to ask?

I love Christmas and it's season... with my FAMILY. and I am talking just my SMALL, unique family that hold my trust which consists of really only 6 people (including two friends I call family). Otherwise, the rest of them can fuck off because it's a competition and not a holiday of love, joy and togetherness. If I was not given ONE gift for Christmas but knew I was loved, that would be enough for me. But for some, getting the gift is their confirmation to their insecurities that they are loved. Well... there might be a reason for that but... that's another blog post.

Anyway, for real reasons, I hate this holiday season. People kick and scream, yell and bitch and moan. Some people actually have the gaul to tell someone "I don't like this gift, do you have a gift receipt so I can take it back and get something I do like". SERIOUSLY. I kid you not. I have seen it happen!! I am astonished at some peoples inability to take a gift for the thought behind it and not the product itself.

Then again, that might be asking too much...

Monday, November 29, 2010

"I am Thankful for..."

My family has this tradition at Thanksgiving... we call it "I am Thankful For...". We place everyone's name into a hat and each person at the dinner table pick a name. You have through dinner time to think of some things that make you "thankful" for that particular person. The only thing about this "wonderful" tradition is that it is plain, old fashioned BULLSHIT. Some people have seriously NO CLASS or sense of feeling for another person as the "popular" ones start trading among themselves different names. "I'll give you mine if you give me yours"... so what does that tell me? You simply cannot find ONE SIMPLE THING about that person's name on that little piece of paper that you are THANKFUL for? Are you FUCKING kidding me? Shit, if I got your name, I would be more than happy to thank you for your "blatant honesty, even when it comes to making someone feel like a total piece of shit..." I would beg to differ about who the piece of shit actually is.

This has always amazed me. I never liked the tradition because of how petty it was. If someone didn't get a person they really didn't like, they would TRADE until they got someone they could be Thankful for. I know I can think of reasons why each person in my family was special to me, but others can't? Are people so shallow and self absorbed that you can't think over your own selfishness? This whole act, to me, is so insulting. Who wouldn't be insulted if it was YOUR name being traded from person to person until someone finally can make up some "bullshit" answer about why they're "thankful" for you.

Thankful my ass.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Woke Up This Morning....




I Woke up this morning
Got myself a gun,
My mama always said I'd be
The Chosen One.

She said: I'd be one in a million I believe
You've got to burn to shine,
But I was born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in my eyes.

woke up this morning
All that love had gone,
My Papa never told you
About right and wrong.

But I'm, but I'm looking good, baby,
I believe that I'm feeling fine, I was,
Born under a bad sign
With a blue moon in my eyes.
so help me now

Woke up this morning
Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon in my eyes
Got not shame about it

Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon in mu eyes
Woke up this morning

I woke up this morning
The world turned upside down,
Lord above, thing's ain't been the same
Since the Blues walked in our town.


Baby, but I'm, but I'm one in a million
I've got that shotgun shine; no shame about it,
Born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in my eyes
.

I Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon in my eyes
Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon in my eyes

god damn no shame about it

I Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon in my eyes
I can't help myself


When I woke up this morning everything was gone.
By half past ten my head was going ding-dong.
Ringing like a bell from my head down to my toes,
Like a voice telling me there was something I should know.
Last night I were flying but today I'm so low
Ain't it times like these that make me wonder if I'll ever know
The meaning of things as they appear to the others:
Wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers
.
I wish I didn't function,
I wish I didn't think
Beyond the next paycheck and the next little drink'
Well I do so make up your mind to go on,'cos
When I woke up this morning everything I had was gone.

I Woke up this morning
when I Woke up this morning
I Woke up this morning
I wanna be .
I wanna be the Chosen One.

I Woke up this morning
I Woke up this morning
I Woke up this morning
Got myself a gun
.
Got myself a gun.
Got myself a gun.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow...

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

There's Always Tomorrow



There's always tomorrow,
For dreams to come true,
Believe in your dreams
Come what may.

There's always tomorrow,
With so much to do,
And so little time in a day.

We all pretend
The rainbow has an end
And you'll be there my friend someday.

There's always tomorrow,
For dreams to come true,
Tomorrow is not far away.

We all pretend,
The rainbow has an end,
And you'll be there my friend someday.

There's always tomorrow,
For dreams to come true,
Tomorrow is not far away.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Asshole Parents

I, by no means, like to think of myself as "the perfect parent". Hell, I've only been at it for... oh, what? 5.5 years? Who am I to judge a parent and their choices? But when you put your kid in obvious danger, then you are, what I like to call the "asshole parent".

Case in point;

Driving down the road the other day, I came to a stop sign. I was on the way to a marketing meeting. I follow the rules of the road. Stay for 3 seconds and take that time to look left, right and left again. When I look to my left, I saw a tiny car and thought nothing of it... until I took a longer look. And there, in the road was, not one but TWO of those stupid (yes I call them stupid) little kiddie cars that parents think it is such a grand idea to let a three year old get behind the wheel of a mechanical device, not to mention let two of them go down the middle of the road where cars are KNOWN to speed down that very hill. It would be impossible for someone who was speeding to stop in enough time to not collide with the children. So, I fore go heading to my meeting and turn to my left. I think, "somebody has GOT to tell these kids to get out of the street!" I am SURE somewhere in the manual it says "not to be used on the open road" but for "asshole parents", who reads directions and follows them anyway?

As I get closer and approach the rear car I am astonished at what I see... this was not a child in the "car", but rather the FATHER of the one leading the parade! The PARENT stuffed inside the child-sized jeep made for 5-10 year olds. I take a gander at the little girl driving her Barbie Car, at a slow 5 miles an hour, which I am pretty such is illegal to have a vehicle on the road that cannot go any faster than 10. Still, I am absolutely STUNNED at what I witnessed and followed behind as I was afraid to pass the 7 year old driving her itty-bitty car in the middle of the street.... not even following traffic control rules or regulations. As they turn down the street and out of sight, I thank my lucky stars I have a husband that at least knows that putting a child behind the wheel of a motorized vehicle is never a good idea. Especially in the middle of the street.

Asshole Parents; I see you. You're the type that use children as weapons. The type that let your kids bully and manipulate other children so they grow up thinking the world is theirs to take. You're the parents that teach your children to lie when it's good for them, even if it is at someone else's expense. And you're the type I can't stand because you're actually no parent at all. You're a puppet for your child's playtime. Congratulations. You've begun to sabotage our future.

F You.

It's a Brand New Day


I've stayed in one place for too long,
Gotta get on the run again,
I saw the one thing that I want,
Hell bent, get outta bed,
I'm throwing rocks at your window,
You're tying the bed sheets together,
They say that we're dreaming too big,
I say this town's too small,

Dream,
Send me a sign,
Turn back the clock,
Give me some time,
I need to break out,
And make a new name
,
Let's open our eyes,
To the brand new day
,
It's a brand new day,

I've taken hits like a brawler,
But I'm getting back up again
,
And from the moment I saw her,
I was hell bent with heaven sent,
I'm throwing rocks at your window,
We're leaving this place together,
They say that we're flying too high,
Well, get used to looking up,

Dream,
Send me a sign,
Turn back the clock,
Give me some time,
I need to break out,
And make a new name,
Let's open our eyes,
To the brand new day
,
It's a brand new day,

It's a brand new day,
I know it's a brand new day,
Come on to the brand new day,
I know it's a brand new day,

Dream,
Send me a sign,
Turn back the clock,
Give me some time,
I need to break out,
And make a new name,
Let's open our eyes,
To the brand new day
,
It's a brand new day,

A Dormant Period.

Period of rest; not growing. Conserving energy and tends to be closely related to environmental situations. Another form of hibernation where one flees to escape for a period of time to return awake, sharp and focused.

Just in case you're wondering.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Kids are smarter than you realize

Some people think that children are these little creatures that don't understand life around them. Well, maybe they don't have an understanding to the negativity that surrounds them in daily life, hitting them from all corners, but they do know when something is wrong, something isn't quite right or when someone around them has done something wrong.

My little man has the uncanny ability to understand when things just aren't adding up. He stops. He watches. He listens. And sadly for him, things have happened that he has witnessed that have hurt him and made him fearful and regretful that he was unable to stop it. At five years old, his love and protectiveness for his mother is very strong. Here is the story of my little boy.

My son's conception came after a devastating miscarriage in 2005. I carried for 6 months, unknowingly, and the baby died while in utero. It was a little girl. I named her and still light a candle each year on the day that was to be her birthday. When we found there was no heartbeat, we also were forced into having the baby stillborn. From that point on, pregnancy always has frightened me. From my own or those closest to me. When a mother reaches two months, I worry. When a mother reaches 6 months of pregnancy, I worry even harder. And as she advances into her third trimester, I become "out there" because I am so worried about the baby and their mother.

After the birth of my son, people around him swarmed and he was showered with love. He spent 4 full wonderful years building relationships with people that he loved and valued as Aunts, Uncles even when they were not. He enjoyed an array of vacations, trips to places most kids don't visit until their teenage years with the people he loved and admired.
Then, one day... poof....

gone.

There was an agenda against his mother. No one had the courage to speak to his mother about any issues or troubles that were bothering them. Instead, a coalition was built in favor of taking her down and out and if he was involved in the removal process, then he was considered "collateral damage". Such sickness has been around for many generations and has been known to me since I was a child. Yet in my younger years, I was not able to communicate properly and thus, helped dig myself into my own hole by turning a blind eye to things I knew just weren't right. Giving the benefit of the doubt doesn't always work in your favor... sometimes it can bite you in the ass. Your best efforts have been in vain.

All the while, a little child is mixed up in this power play between adults. A childlike struggle that shouldn't exist at the ages we are. Still, legacy's are harder to rid yourselves of. It is just as equally difficult to stand up for yourself in an assertive and respectful way without being drawn into a knock-down drag-out fight. For years, my son witnessed total disrespect towards his mother. He said little things like "why does so-and-so talk to you like that, Mommy?" and Mommy would say "sometimes people just don't know what they do". Thinking family was family and no matter what, the romance that you stick together was strong in my mind. It couldn't have been farther from the truth.

In one fell swoop, he witnessed two of his most beloved people, whom he has known since the day he was born, verbally attack his mother in such a hostile manner that it frightened him to run out of the room and away from the confrontation. Six months later, he still asks me about it. I tell him "people make mistakes, but that doesn't make them bad people. They're just hurt people". However, this morning, he came to me with a dream.

In his words:

"Mommy was holding a big black dog with a short face. He was being mean to her, trying to take the fuzzy ball away from her. He made Mommy sad. So I ran and killed the dog away (meaning he took the dog away from his mother) from Mommy and put it on the floor. The dogs body got "all fired up" (on fire but not by him, it just became on fire) and his "tail was all fired up". He then turns to his mother and says "are you ok, Mommy?". His mother hugs him and says "Yes, I am fine". He said he felt happy that he had saved his Mommy from the mean dog that was attacking her.

To me, this is a direct result of the terrible sight he saw when two of his most beloved people in his life lost control of themselves and attacked his mother; rendering him helpless and powerless to help her. His guilt remains in his mind even though I have done my best to help move him forward and not to think about things like this. Still, you and I know that you cannot control your subconscious.

The black dog in the dream was an aggressive dog; I am guessing a Rottweiler or a pit. These dogs are not vicious by nature, they are brought up that way but society teaches us these are dangerous animals. So the dangerous animal was being mean to his mother and here was his opportunity to save his Mother from the attacker, instead of running away. Taking the aggressive dog away from his Mother and extinguishing it was his way of saving her and taking care of the problem. He was protecting me. He felt powerless during the actual event yet in his dream, which gave him much relief as he was telling me about it, it gave him the ability to overcome his fear of the aggressor and step in to help his mother.

This was not my dream. It was my sons. I have been told that children don't know anything when something is wrong. But what is wrong about that is that children know everything when something is wrong. They watch body language, they read facial cues, tone of voice and listen to what is being said. And my son, having been tested with an IQ must higher than the normal child his age, knew something was wrong a long time ago... I just wish he could have told me about it before my life changed forever.

So to anyone out there that dismisses a child's ability to see things for what they are, I say to you; NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A CHILD'S MIND. They see and hear everything. And just because they can't talk, walk or communicate fully doesn't mean they DON'T understand something is wrong. Don't be so stupid. Listen to your children. For all you know, they know something you don't know....

Monday, November 15, 2010

Where is your turning signal?

Driving down the road, I'm following this slow, old Lincoln of which I know who is behind the wheel. I don't have to explain myself any more than that, I think we all can agree who was driving this infamous car.

Anyway, I am following at a safe distance. I like to keep two car lengths between myself and the car in front of me. For this reason exactly: turn signals. Who the hell uses them properly anymore? In my states drivers handbook, you MUST signal for at least a reasonable amount of length between the turn you are about to make and your current position. Why does this rule apply only to me? I swear, how many people have I cussed out because I will be following them and then they have this "oh shit" moment where they realize they have to turn and do so ever so slowly. It would be one thing if they turned quickly because the traffic flow behind them isn't slowing down because... well, we're NOT mind readers! We don't know you are planning to turn ahead!! The world cannot revolve around you, you fucknut! Give us the opportunity to break, slow up and let you turn without rear ending your ass because you failed to tell us you were turning! And you know what the BEST part of this whole thing is? That if I were to be the one to rear end one of these assholes, it would be MY FAULT in the eyes of the law. I am suppose to have control over my vehicle at all times, including when asshole in front of me decides to turn without notice and causes some serious road rage after the fact.

I know, cussing the driver out is not effective. They can't hear you. But sometimes a good "FUCK YOU!" gets the feeling off your chest after you've just avoided a crash due to someone driving and their brain being in outter space.

I find it equally aggravating when someone turns their signal one only when they begin to make their turn. Dude, THAT doesn't COUNT!! You can't put your signal on as you are making the turn just so you can say "I had my signal on". Sure, yeah, you did. But you didn't have it on for the correct duration of space and time required by law asshole!! You put peoples lives in danger because your brain is out thinking about your next SS check or what you're going to buy for dinner later on this week. Or, worst of all, your brain just isn't think about anything at all, not even the task at hand and therefore, you put MORE lives in danger and that's just not cool.

One day, you will turn without a signal and either hurt yourself or someone else... only then will that be your wake up call...

Monday, November 8, 2010

STFU!

We've all been there. We need to get into the store and get out in a hurry. You're as patient as can be, given the circumstances you are a half hour late to a meeting, still have to pick up the coffee for the boss and get gas to make to town. But the cashiers behind the counter have other plans.

I know Corporations are trying to get extra, impulse sales from the customers at the front desks, but seriously, when someone tells you "No thank you" when you ask if they're interested in opening up a card, sign-up for reward coupons or your email address, why press the issue? It just will piss the person in a hurry off and make them later.

I have one objection in this situation. Get in. Grab my shit. Get in line. Pay for it and Get out. Period. This morning, I needed a book for a meeting I was already running late for, still needing to pick up the management team our morning goodies to get us sugared up and ready for the day. So when I got to the counter to pay, I just wanted to pay and be on my way. The cashier did her job and asked me if I had a Special Readers Club Card. I said I did but not on me. She says "I can look it up for you by email". Knowing how long my personal email is and that it would be difficult to tell her without having to repeat myself a billion times, I smile and say "no thanks, I'm kinda in a rush". She says " I look up 20 emails sometimes! I doesn't take me long". At this point, I have already said kindly, no thanks but she keeps at me. I am getting agitated but remain calm. "How much for the book?" I ask. She then says "You might get some percentage off if I can find your Readers Club Card". Ok lady. NO! I fucking wanted to pay and LEAVE. "No thanks, can you please tell me how much so I can get going?" She tells me about $20, I give her my money and wait for my change. The entire fucking time she is counting out my change, she just won't Shut the Fuck Up about how fast it can be to look up my account through my email. The fact is, lady, that I don't shop here enough to give a shit and now, I dread having to go back again for next months run.

I know you're suppose to ask these questions when you work in a department store, bookstore, or whatever store to drive sales, but when you push too much you can go too far. There is a point where you just say "ok, well thank you for shopping and I hope you come back soon."

Seriously, this bitch set me back another five critical minuets and could have cost me some real good reputation I have with my bosses. I made sure I had extra coffee, doughnuts and breakfast items for this mornings meeting to glaze over the fact that I walked in at exactly the moment the meeting began. Though I wasn't late technically, I like showing up 15 minuets early to set up and get ready for my talking points. I was not organized with my shit because of some lady who wouldn't Shut the Fuck Up when someone says "no Thank You".

Fuckin' A; Part Duex

Listen up Verizon peoples. Don't fuckin' lie to your customers. If you make a defective product, just own up to it and replace it. It would seem as if you have taught your fantastic employee's how to be deceptive and lie like criminals when they come to you for help. This is the second time I have gone into this Verizon store and been fucked up by a Verizon employee.

My one year anniversary came up with Verizon. When you're with Verizon, every year you can replace your phone with a new contract (or something like that). I wanted my Blackberry. I've been waiting a whole damn year for it and I was excited to finally have it. I had it for one week. Then, Saturday morning, I woke up to a completely fried Blackberry. I am serious. The phone was friggin' how as hell as if it had been lit on fire! I don't claim to know a lot about cell phones, but I know enough that a phone that heats up like that is not a good one. So I took the battery out, let it cool down and I went about my morning. When I put the battery back into the phone the phone was dead. I had to put aside all my things to do for Saturday, pack up my son and off we went on an adventure to the Verizon store.

So Frank was nice. He told me the battery was bad and so was the phone. He gave me a new phone, set me up with my email and all my apps, uploaded my phone numbers. I go home and turn the phone off to charge it. You know how irritating it is when you buy a new phone and it has maybe one bar of battery available to you so you have to charge it a bit before you can use it?

This is what I did. I went about my Saturday. Took my son out to get ready for Football Sunday, bought toys for the baby and the kids and had a nice dinner out together. Sunday morning rolls around and I have to get ready for the day. We're headed out for Football!! I go back to my phone (that has been next to my bed during the evening OFF the charger) and SHAZHAMMM!! Dead. No response. FUCKIN' A! REALLY? I was at the Verizon store before it even opened, waiting. Of course, I had others waiting with me, but I was there first. Waiting a good 20 minuets for the doors to open. I felt the older customers waiting with me were going to try and push me aside when the doors open, kinda like the mad dash when it's Black Friday so I just stood at the door, against it, until the manager opened the door and I was the first one in for Tech Support.

The woman who helped me was very good. Very kind. But she informed me that the notes on my account said that I was given a new battery NOT a new phone... giving me a new battery wasn't going to do anything because the problem was a defective PHONE. When this Verizon rep replaced a display model with my battery, the phone turned on. My phone was shot. I made sure this time, that she came out with a new box and charger for me. I gave her my old charger in case the charger was somehow defective too.

So I had to sit for another freaking hour as she switched all my stuff all over again. I wonder what Frank was doing to my phone when he said he was uploading all my phone numbers in the back office... was he stealing the new phone he said he was giving me? Whatever.

I hate liars. I hate being lied to. And what is in it for this Verizon rep to lie to me that he gave me a new phone when he didn't? The only thing I can think of is that he was fuckin' lazy and didn't feel like doing what he should have to help me.

In any event, now I have my second, possibly third, Blackberry on my belt. Lets hope this one stays alive.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Bushisms; Gotta love 'em!

"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —George W. Bush, Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

Fickle Fickle America

'The Change We Need!"

Just a short two years ago, the American people stood up and said "Enough of the same! We need change!" and voted into the office of the President of the United States its first democrat in 8 years and its very first black man. A gigantic step indeed! We stood hand-in-hand across the Nation with a message that was loud and clear. We needed help from our Government to end the suffering, the corporate corruption and troubles that hit the housing market and left a lot of families homeless or shuffled into the mix; forgotten.

Just a meek two years later, we're now changing our minds? With the rise of the "Tea Party" who stands to change backwards 100 years to those ideals and ideas (the very thing we were voting AGAINST when we sung President Obama into office) we're now saying we have had enough of the Democrats and want the "Tea Party Republicans" to fix the problems? Fickle. Fickle American.

Do we not understand that time is needed to gain any type of huge change? We will not see the fruits of any labor if we are so short in our patience. And by "flip flopping" from one party to another, it shows a lack of faith we have in ourselves to make a decision and STICK WITH IT. Are we so unsure and scared that we don't realize the true power we DO have?

The Republican and Democratic parties each have their wackos and extremists (Christine O'Donnell anyone?) who are ill advised about parts of our constitution and the true meanings behind what our Founding Fathers had in mind when they signed the famous document. The people had more power then and their say matter more than it does today... or so we are led to believe.

Fuck that! We are the United States of America and we have a LOT to say! We say "don't take my home because Banks and Government got greedy and I am your victim!" "keep your hands off my retirement money because I earned it and your corporate corruption is your problem, not mine!" "don't tell me my child with cancer can't get health care because she has a 'preexisting condition!" "Don't make the elderly have to work all the way up to the day of their death to keep health care, benefits and money flowing. Let us have our golden years!".

How on earth can we expect, or hope to accomplish, these above statements if we keep changing our minds?! We'll never get anywhere if we don't give the President, his House and Senate a chance to work together, without sabotage, and get the job done in a reasonable amount of time. Face it. The President is a powerful position, but it doesn't come with a Magic Wand that fixes 8 years of corruptions and Dick Cheney's poor aim. If it took 8 years to destroy the economy, wouldn't it be only logical to expect it to take at least that long to restore it?

America, be patient and stand on your feet. Stand up with your beliefs. Don't cave when things seem down because we've got to go down before we can get back up again.

God. Bless. America.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Look the Fuck Up!

Alright, this really pisses me off.

I can't count on both my hands how many times I've been stopped at a bus stop as the passengers get off the bus, or trolley or whatever the fuck and, instead of taking the crosswalk or looking both ways before crossing the street, they just walk right out into the street. Some are on the phone, some are texting or tweeting. Whatever they're doing, it can't WAIT until you get safely across the stress? No no no, you jump off the bus, cross the street looking at the ground and walk as slowly as possible to the other side. Why did the chicken cross the road? NOT to get hit by a car, THATs for fucking sure.

I know I know I know. I am the driver. I am the one in control of the car. So why is it totally ok for people to be completely lacking in brain function when they're about to cross the street? I teach my child to "stop, look and listen", hold my hand and keep looking as he crosses the street... what is so hard about this concept for adults to keep in mind?

Ok so the other day I was headed to a Doctors appointment. I was at a stop sign. I saw a young woman to my left walking, slowly mind you, on a cell phone. Something in my gut told me that she wasn't going to stop, look and listen and was just going to walk right out, keep talking and slowly walk across the street on her cell phone. And that is exactly what she did. She never looked up. She never stopped. I am not even completely sure that she even knew she was walking into the street. All I know is that street rules and regulations just don't apply to pedestrians anymore.

The only satisfaction I ever got was about a year ago when a man who was jaywalking, got hit by a car in a parking lot. Thankfully it WAS a parking lot so the car was moving under any significant miles per hour and it was just a bump, but when the police got to the scene, not only did they give the driver a ticket but they gave the pedestrian a citation for jaywalking! Bam! Take that bitches! When my friend (who is an officer) told me this, I was giddy to hear that FINALLY the idiot who was more dumber than a chicken who crosses a street got a kick in the ass for his part in creating a hazardous situation.

So is it too much to ask for people to Look the Fuck Up when you get off the bus and cross the street? Please?! It annoys the fucking hell outta me. Just makes me want to slam on the gas and scare the shit out of you so that you never look down again.

Keep your chin up, Bitches.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Results





The first poll of My Bitchography is closed! Thank you to all voters who helped make my first poll, though a tiny one, what I consider a success! I find the results to be very interesting.






It was a tie for first place between "Liars" and "People that talk about you behind your back". This is understandable as you can make the connection between people that talk about you behind your back and are nice to your face as actually being a form of Liar. So this makes perfect sense to me and you, too.






Up following closely tied in second place are "Stupid People" and "Backstabbing Bitches". One could argue that these, too, could also be connected in away as Backstabbing Bitches are pretty Stupid People. What goes around, comes around. Keep that in mind, BsB's! On the other hand, they're totally different subjects and I can see how difficult it would be to pick between the two. A good show of hand for the silver medal!






"Terrible Drivers" "Someone Stealing your Parking Space" and "Hateful People" all come in for the bronze together. The first two are obviously connected and not connected in the same regard. However, I find "Hateful People" being a little out of place here. I am curious why this didn't get more votes to at least go along with "Backstabbing Bitches" and "Stupid "People". Perhaps more votes would have given "Hateful People" the extra push it needs, but hey, I am just glad that we all agree that "Hateful People" are one of the most irritating things that Piss Us Off!!






Finally, coming in Forth with 1% of the votes are "Teenagers". This, obviously coming from my older readers but I do have to say, even AS a teenager myself, I hated them. They can be some pretty awful creatures. You have some really good kids out there that are given a bad rap by the ones who put up Facebook Pages just to terrorize someone literally to death. This is a growing problem, and one that needs to be stopped at all costs. This is why, along with "Teenagers", I vote in "Uninvolved Parents" to go along with them. Because, as I have said before, "It all starts at home, ladies and gentleman".

Getting no votes, and with good reason (because it was a trick questions) are "Opening the Fridge to Find no Milk", "Shopping at the Market" and "Secrets". Why? Well, we all do these things purposely so we really can't get too angry about them. We all have our secrets (for good reason's too), we have to shop at the market (no matter how irritating it can get) and I think it is safe to say that we're all guilty of leaving an empty bottle of something in the fridge (be-it Milk, Soda, OJ or whatever). So Kudos to you all for not falling for it!!

Being that this was my first poll, I am excited it got some attention. Not much but I had no expectations. I am happy as a Bitch in a gossip group that some people took the time to vote. Keep coming back for more each month as we delve deeper into more Bitchin' Polls!


Thanks Bitches!!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Please...

"Let Me Be Myself"

I guess i just got lost
Bein' someone else
I tried to kill the pain
Nothin ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hopin to come back around
To find myself someday

Lately i'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok, but tell me
Please, would you one time
Just let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Would you let me be myself

I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world i knew
Take back all of these times
That i gave in to you

Lately i'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok, but tell me
Please, would you one time
Let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
And let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind
Let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself

That's all i've ever wanted from this world
Is to let me be me

Please would you one time
Let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Please would you one time
Let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind
Let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Would you one time... oooh
Let me be myself
Let me be me

Long Term Effects of Stress

Long Term Effects of Stress

When the stress factor is persistent or repetitive, the body keeps secreting the stress hormones and their blood levels remain at a continuously high level and hence the association with functional adjustments. The body now experience stress with extra burden due to the side effects of persistently high stress hormones. Some irreversible physiological damage to the brain and other organs can be caused by a higher level of stress. The manifestations could be :

  • Chronic Head Ache
  • Mood Swings
  • Anxiety Disorder
  • Substance Abuse
  • Memory Disturbances
  • Heart Attack to due increased blood pressure, sugar and cholesterol
  • Stroke due to similar reasons
  • Weight Loss
  • Exacerbation of allergies including asthma
  • IBM
  • Crohn's Disease
  • Decreased Sexual Drive
  • Sleeplessness

Even when the stress factor is not present, some of the physical and physiological effects still persist unless treatment is sought to help them.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

PTSD is a delayed reaction to a particularly stressful situation or life-threatening event where the person feels helpless. After a dormant period, the person re-experiences the past traumatic events in "flash-back's" or dreams and tries to avoid any stimuli or situation which reminds them of the past trauma. The symptoms include:

  • Psychological Numbering
  • Amnesia of certain aspects of a stressful event
  • Inability to experience pleasure
  • Isolation
  • Reduced interest in activities
  • Sleeplessness
  • Agitation

Children can also suffer from PTSD after a traumatic life event or injury.

Thanks to stressfocus.com for the information above.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

You would make a great exchange student...

I bet we could exchange you for someone half decent and worth having around.

I hate Halloween.

Yeah, you read right. I HATE Halloween. Always did. Even when I was a kid. Being a semi-nerd in school, it was hard trying to find someone to go trick-or-treating with. It was almost as stressful as being picked last in gym glass. Too bad there wasn't a GLEE class in my school years ago. I think I might have fit right in with misfits and cheerleaders!

As you get older and own a home, Halloween just becomes one big pain in the ass. I hate having the kids come to my door these days. The little ones are cute. I can handle them. They're adorable in their little costumes, pretending to be their favorite super hero or fairy princess. And, the responsible parents always make sure to take them out at a reasonable time (daylight!). Sometimes, I see the same kids a few times because their parents choose to take them around the same block more than once. That's what I do with my little one. I get that idea and it does make my night easier and my son doesn't mind.

What I can't stand are the teenagers. First, you have the boys who put absolutely NO effort into their costumes. "What are you?" I'd ask and they'd say "I'm a homeless dude" as they stand in front of me with a plaid shirt and ripped jeans... something they most likely wore to school yesterday. Then you have the girls who are all but 16 dressed as hookers. The one time a year the parents say "Ok sweetie, you can dress like a stripper and pretend you're some kind of Greek Goddess. You look so pretty!" And, of course, you have all the photos they post of themselves all slutty over facebook, myspace and any other picture up-loader available to get attention. It is the vanity that just throws me. It just says "Justify my looking like a 21 year old stripper by commenting on how hawt I look!" .... seriously?

And can I at least get a teenager to say "Trick-or-Treat" when you come to my door? I mean to just show up and smile at me like I owe you $100 is maddening! So this year, I have a plan. For the little ones, I will dress up and be fun and give them each two pieces of whatever candy they want. For each teenager who says "Trick-or-Treat" I am going to ask them for a Trick. What trick can you do to me? Catch a football in your mouth? Run and jump over car? Do ten jumping jacks? Shower my house with toilet paper. Whatever, but I can't wait to see the stunned looks on their faces when someone calls their bluff and finally asks for a Trick. Besides, anything you can do I can do better!

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Freaks don't just come out at night....

They're out all day and all night! Some bitches really need to screw their heads on a little tighter, just for worlds sake, so we can all sleep a little better at night. I don't want to have to worry about the little things, I've got bigger fish to fry, so why is it I am worried that the crazy lady at the bank is going to come in one day with guns blazing with revenge for her one hundredth overdraft fee? Or the woman at the grocery store who talks to herself while bagging is just gonna flip a switch one day and freak the fuck out?

But no, I have to worry that a mother at my child's school is going to come in at any time and freak out because she is jealous that the teacher's are baking cupcake's with the children!! Yes, I said it. BAKING CUPCAKES. WTF is wrong with people? I have to be on a Code 40 all day while my kid goes to school and wonder if today is the day this mother will go bonkers for sure? Seriously? And we're all wondering where the teenagers are getting the idea it is ok to cuss out a teacher, bring a gun to school or attack someone they just don't like. It all starts at home, ladies and gentleman.


Soon as I found this out, I drove my ass over to the school to take my son out for the day as I knew today would be the other child's last and there would be a problem when the parent arrived. The teachers were scared shitless but very calm at the same time. I took my son home, half a day early to protect him. I also came to find out that this harassment of the teachers has been going on for a little while now and the director of the school had failed to address it sooner. Fucking incompetence!! I would have had her and her child out that door and off the property the first time she even somewhat showed hostility towards the teachers in front of the students. Instead, the director waits until she marches her fat ass in there and starts dropping the FBomb in front of a bunch of children. I swear, if I was there, 5 foot or not, I would have taken her down.

So where does the problem really lie in this situation? With the parent who is nucking futs? or the Director of the school who didn't act quickly enough to secure the building and the people in it (teachers and students included)? I am going with the second option here. Ignorance is bliss. But you can't run from a problem that will keep coming to you.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Yin and Yang

I often wonder what the hell I am doing with my husband. I love the guy to pieces and we get along great, but we just have the oddest differences and opinion's that usually would break a marriage apart. Then, all this shit started to happen in my life. With my family of origin. People betraying me, liars and haters who have not guts to tell you to your face how they feel. For years, they hated me behind my back and me, going through life in my simple little bubble thinking that the terrible things that hurt me were just "accidents"... only to find out after years of abuse the obvious. For the longest time, my husband would say to me "why do you keep going back? Every time you go see them, you come home crying." I would say "They're my family, they love me they just have trouble showing it". Well, they didn't have trouble because they didn't love me. I should have listened to my husband.

On his end, his father died when he was 7 and only has his mother and younger brother as family. His mother did remarry but she married for money and now has anger issues because she ended up raising her husbands kids, compromised her kids and is forced to solitary confinement because of RA. My husband and his mother never got along and he would always tell me to just "let them go" when talking about my family. He seemed so happy when we moved out as kids (I'm talking 19 and 23) and finally didn't have to live under her spell anymore. His life got quieter while mine spent the following years with the aforementioned blog posts of lying, backstabbing and whatnot.

Then...
The children were born.


And when there are children, there is jealousy. Our son was born a week after his step-fathers granddaughter was born. EXACTLY a week. And every single year, when we throw our son his birthday party, there is some kind of fucking stunt pulled by this prick of a stepfather we have inherited to try and trump my kids birthday. The first year, he accused me of being a racist (and my best friend is Porto Rican , married to a black man with two children of which I would trust my life with), the second year they showed up an hour late and left after only 15 minuets (my son didn't even know Grandmom and "Grandpop" was there) and this year.... this year... it's a BASEBALL GAME. They're from Philadelphia and are Phillie fans. It's cool, whatever. I get the passion Philly fans have for their teams. But when you leave me a voicemail, the day before you're to fly in for my sons birthday, that says "we have a problem with tomorrow. I have Phillies tickets for tomorrow's game. Can we come today around noon? I have tickets"... Um... no! I had things to do and, lets not forget you see your grandkid once a-fucking year...

My husband about flew up to them to punch him in the face for thinking a baseball game was more important than your Grandkids birthday. And, with all the loss our son has suffered with people in my family leaving him, my husband and I feel extremely protective more than ever. Instead, he opted for my suggestion: the more sane idea of picking up the phone and calling his mother. She tried her best to derail the conversation; blaming and yelling at him for his mistakes instead of staying on task and trying to understand why it's not ok to tell your Son that his son is not worth flying down to see for his fifth birthday because the Phillies MIGHT win game 6. MIGHT.

Then the Phillies lost.

The day of my sons party, we got up early. I told him he needed to call his mother and tell him that she can come but to leave her husband home. She has his brother she can fly down with, who was willing to bring her down to us that day and the arrangements were made before hand for that to happen. But, since the Phillies LOST, they LOST!! my husbands brother was called off and about to leave the airport and my Mother-in-Law and her husband were coming too.... well, no. Not this year. Not another stunt. I am glad we called when we did because they were headed to the airport when we caught them.
After an hour of yelling back and forth, getting no where with my husband getting so angry that tears were streaming down his face.... I took the phone from him.

"Hi Mom," I said "look, I understand that this is a painful situation but I feel that, at this point, it wouldn't be a good to have your husband at our sons party". I told her that her other son that is flying out in an hour was willing and able to take her to us but she refused. All the wanted to do was argue. I don't even understand WHAT THE FUCK she was arguing because nothing of it ever said "no matter what, I am coming", which is what any logical grandparent would do. But this one... THIS ONE fought to bring her lying, conniving, sabotaging husband along to a party he was not wanted at. It came down to this "Mom" I said "Right now is not the time to be discussing this. There is obviously issues we need to discuss. I feel very badly. I understand that you are standing in your position and I am in mine. So, for now, please stay home. I feel as if his being there would create tension and anxiety. This needs to be a good day for my son." And I hung up the phone.

My Brother-In-Law and his girlfriend showed up at the party an hour early with a bag from my Mother-in-Law. I wish I had seen it was from her when they first came in because I would have taken it to the back and sent it back on the plane with him. But since my son was right in the middle of opening his gifts, I couldn't take the gift away from him when it was handed to him for opening. As far as his party went, it was the first time in all his birthdays that there wasn't any drama or troubles. We had FUN!

Afterwards, I had some time to think. And it suddenly dawned on me. After all these years of wondering why I was with the man I am with; even with all our differences....

We have the same family backgrounds. I just found out mine a little too late. Having us together makes it easier to handle times when the people you love don't love you back. But when you have someone who gets it, understands how you feel and can talk to you when your down at your lowest, it makes all the differences irrelevant. Flirty. Interesting. See, both my husband and I were born into dysfunctional family units (as with most people, you just don't know it). Darkness, reputations, false promises, manipulations, power struggles; we've both grown up around it yet we were the ones to not buy into it. We were magnets to each other even as young "kids" because a part of us knew as we grew older, we were going to need someone who understood the shoes we stood in.

So even though I was Republican and he a Democrat when we met, he likes Dogs and I like Cats and have totally different opinions on if the cup is half full or half empty; it works because we understand each other. And in times when you feel like nobody understands you, that is a very awesome thing.

By the way, you will also see me Bitching about this very dear husband of mine. I have street-smarts and commonsense and my husband? He could tell you anything you wanted to know; he's a math book, history book, science book and spelling book with an IQ over 160 all rolled into one... but he can't find it in himself to replace the toilet paper, pick up his socks, and he falls up the stairs. I balance him out by keeping him straight on track and he balances me by always teaching me there is more to a book than the words.