It's no secret that I am a little lady. Standing at exactly five foot even (five foot five inches if you give me some fantastic heals) and a mere 110 lbs, you can imagine just how intimidating I must look to the outside world. Ah but never underestimate the strength of the small one. She is fast. She is smart. And you never see her coming.
I'm sitting in a nice park, reading my fantastic Stargate series that I absolutely love, when a man comes by and demands I move because he wants to sit where I have ever so nicely parked myself. I look up and this dude, who is obviously a low life, egotistical jerk, and think to myself "seriously? are we really going to have to go there?"
Taking a deep breath, I respond "sir, I am enjoying myself just fine where I am at. I am sure you can find a place just as comforting as this one elsewhere". Ok, the nice approach. That's good, he'll be ok with that.
Nope.
"This is where I sit when I come here. I want to sit there. Get up."
Oh lord, I'm going to have to verbally assault him.
I stand up, being careful not to lose my page and set my book neatly on the ground. "Ok. This must be a very important space to you. Unfortunately, it is occupied at the moment. Why don't you go on your merry little way before this gets ugly and someone gets humiliated".
Of course he laughs at this little woman standing in front of 'his seat'. I failed to see him name anywhere located near where I was sitting. "lady, you are in my spot. Now get up!".
Alright. I see where this is going. He wants to play 'I'm a big man and can intimidate the little woman' game. Well, two can play it is just that I don't get easily intimidated. "Sir, you're name is not located anywhere on this site nor should it be. Does it make you feel like a big man, trying to intimidate women into submission? Let me educate you on something. The Revolution for Woman's independence ended long ago and we prevailed. WE have equal right, just not equal brains. Sadly, women are those with the capability of understanding a situation more than the opposite sex. If you are following me so far, you should be getting the hint that I am not leaving MY spot for a bully. Have you heard of the 'Anti-bully act' going about? Yeah, you're one of them. So let me grab my phone and snap a nice picture of you. Wait, what? You don't want me to? Why? Are you afraid that others with morals and respect for woman may actually find you offencive and just plain trashy? Ok, then, if I were you, I'd leave. And just to make my point a little further, I have a special set of skills that could render you completely immobile in one or two strikes. You never see me comin'."
Of course, that's not verbatim, but it was similar in nature. He stood there, mouth open, cigarette in his hand and shook his head. "you're gonna get yourself into a lot of trouble with that attitude of yours". I smiled at him as he sulked away.
"Sir, I do not believe it is I who will be in for a rude awakening. One day, you'll cross the wrong woman and she'll put you in your place much more than I just did. Have a great day!"
Always remember, kiddos. End your conversations, no matter how dreadful, with a salutation similar to "have a great day" "enjoy your weekend" "See you soon!". It's just so much better to see their spine come out of under their shirts because of the chills you just sent down their spine.
Best,
Rachel
Friday, July 13, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I am tolerant....
Ok now people. Let's get something straight here. I am truly sorry that you're sick. In fact, if you know me, you know I'll show up on your door step with homemade chicken noodle soup with egg noodles and fresh chicken slow cooked and ready to make you feel all better. But do me a favor ok?
KEEP YOUR FUCKING GERMS TO YOURSELF.
So I'm at sea world. A most disappointing day already in and of itself. $80 to sit in blazing hot heat, metal bleachers and a storm that postpones my already postpones original dolphin show I love to watch every now and then. $80 to sit and wait. With a 6 year old, mind you, who, by my own admission, I must say had remarkable restraint during the waiting period. FINALLY the loud speakers come on and all hail the man from behind the loud noise "Thank you for joining us today! Sit back and relax, your show will begin in five minuets". ALRIGHT! So we hadn't waited in vain! I was going to see my beautiful dolphins fly through the air and delight us with spectacular wonder and amazement. "Ladies and gentlemen.... due to the weather, this portion of the showcase has been canceled. Please join us for our next show in two hours". What the?!!
Ok, so I, my 6 year old, 60 year old father, 18 year old cousin and 10 year old niece had had enough waiting for one day. Livid enough to erupt a volcano, we began our hike back to our car. As we reached the gate, something snapped in my head. I should ask for my money back. What they hell did I spend that money for to just sit and sit and sit during not so much of a rain storm only to be told "fuck you, the show will not go on".
I turn to my clan and tell them to keep on treckin', I'm going to the office and asking for my money back. As I am walking, I hear this poor woman hacking away her lungs into the air. I felt badly that she had such a cough! Sadly for me, I didn't know where she was until ...
BAM!!! Right in my God Damn Face this woman coughs her lungs and juice up all over my face within striking distance. "Thank you!" I said, so very sarcastically. "You do know that I will be sick within three days time?!" And you know what this bitch does?
She LAUGHS!!! "I am so glad you find this oh so very funny, but I do not. I, unlike you, have a life that I would like to live in good health and not spread any of my germs to others. Next time, do yourself a favor.... when you're around a whoooooole bunch of people, COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH!"
The woman was deadpan. Had no idea what to say. Stood there like a food with absolutely no expression on her face other than "uhhh... duh...... I don't know". This, my friend, is what we have to deal with when braving the amusement parks. Next time I go, I feel like wearing a surgical mask and writing on it, "keep your germs to yourself and cover your fucking mouth!" just to make a point. Now I totally get why the people in China were wearing masks when SARS broken out a few years back. Who wouldn't?
In three days time, I was so sick, I could barely stand. At work, I was walking into people and my graceful steps I usually take were replace with stumbling buffoonish acts of stupidity. For the first time EVER, I asked to leave work. I literally was no use in the work environment AND I also do not believe in giving an illness to my co-workers... well, because I love them. For the next few days, I was almost bedridden. My son wouldn't come near me, my mother was disinfecting the entire house from top to bottom.
What I don't get is why people just do whatever the fuck they want in public and not give to shits about the people around them. Sure, they're not your kin and I wouldn't expect you to jump in front of a moving train for them, but for Christ's sake, at least take the common courtesy and do what is right in public. Cover your mouth, no spitting, cursing unbelievably loud around young children. Obnoxious behavior that had my gut turning in circle deciding if I am going to kill you slowly or if I should make this one a slow and painful, most certainly obnoxious way to die. Not really but you get what I mean.
I know you know what I am talking about and I am sure you've had your share of the public yourself. When you jam pack a park with a bunch of people from all over the world, this is how you spread disease!! Duh! Does that take an astrophysicist to figure that out? No. But if you'd like the world and the people in it to stop spreading harmful diseases, you can start by covering your mouth....
KEEP YOUR FUCKING GERMS TO YOURSELF.
So I'm at sea world. A most disappointing day already in and of itself. $80 to sit in blazing hot heat, metal bleachers and a storm that postpones my already postpones original dolphin show I love to watch every now and then. $80 to sit and wait. With a 6 year old, mind you, who, by my own admission, I must say had remarkable restraint during the waiting period. FINALLY the loud speakers come on and all hail the man from behind the loud noise "Thank you for joining us today! Sit back and relax, your show will begin in five minuets". ALRIGHT! So we hadn't waited in vain! I was going to see my beautiful dolphins fly through the air and delight us with spectacular wonder and amazement. "Ladies and gentlemen.... due to the weather, this portion of the showcase has been canceled. Please join us for our next show in two hours". What the?!!
Ok, so I, my 6 year old, 60 year old father, 18 year old cousin and 10 year old niece had had enough waiting for one day. Livid enough to erupt a volcano, we began our hike back to our car. As we reached the gate, something snapped in my head. I should ask for my money back. What they hell did I spend that money for to just sit and sit and sit during not so much of a rain storm only to be told "fuck you, the show will not go on".
I turn to my clan and tell them to keep on treckin', I'm going to the office and asking for my money back. As I am walking, I hear this poor woman hacking away her lungs into the air. I felt badly that she had such a cough! Sadly for me, I didn't know where she was until ...
BAM!!! Right in my God Damn Face this woman coughs her lungs and juice up all over my face within striking distance. "Thank you!" I said, so very sarcastically. "You do know that I will be sick within three days time?!" And you know what this bitch does?
She LAUGHS!!! "I am so glad you find this oh so very funny, but I do not. I, unlike you, have a life that I would like to live in good health and not spread any of my germs to others. Next time, do yourself a favor.... when you're around a whoooooole bunch of people, COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH!"
The woman was deadpan. Had no idea what to say. Stood there like a food with absolutely no expression on her face other than "uhhh... duh...... I don't know". This, my friend, is what we have to deal with when braving the amusement parks. Next time I go, I feel like wearing a surgical mask and writing on it, "keep your germs to yourself and cover your fucking mouth!" just to make a point. Now I totally get why the people in China were wearing masks when SARS broken out a few years back. Who wouldn't?
In three days time, I was so sick, I could barely stand. At work, I was walking into people and my graceful steps I usually take were replace with stumbling buffoonish acts of stupidity. For the first time EVER, I asked to leave work. I literally was no use in the work environment AND I also do not believe in giving an illness to my co-workers... well, because I love them. For the next few days, I was almost bedridden. My son wouldn't come near me, my mother was disinfecting the entire house from top to bottom.
What I don't get is why people just do whatever the fuck they want in public and not give to shits about the people around them. Sure, they're not your kin and I wouldn't expect you to jump in front of a moving train for them, but for Christ's sake, at least take the common courtesy and do what is right in public. Cover your mouth, no spitting, cursing unbelievably loud around young children. Obnoxious behavior that had my gut turning in circle deciding if I am going to kill you slowly or if I should make this one a slow and painful, most certainly obnoxious way to die. Not really but you get what I mean.
I know you know what I am talking about and I am sure you've had your share of the public yourself. When you jam pack a park with a bunch of people from all over the world, this is how you spread disease!! Duh! Does that take an astrophysicist to figure that out? No. But if you'd like the world and the people in it to stop spreading harmful diseases, you can start by covering your mouth....
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The 1.5 year Experiment
Hello Bitches! And welcome back! Looks who is back for more fun in the bitchin' sun! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Rachel Mae is back and with a vengeance. You see, I thought I would try a little experiment of my own. Go away for a while, let life take its course, get through the dilemmas I faced with family destruction and the demise of my marriage and see where I end up a year or so in the future. Am I just as observant to the blatantly obvious of the ignorance of people or did I soften a bit?
Well, my friends, I have to say that not only did flipping the bird to numerous family members and my husband make me horribly more aware that the world is filled with more assholes that I would like to have thought, but it has also made me a bright, strong and intelligent woman who knows what battles to choose and which ones to turn my back from. So many people have come and gone, showed me their true colors. And what's more, the fact that I sit before this monitor now is a true testament to the fact that some people can truly change while others may be stuck in their spiral downwards forever, never yielding to the possibility that they may be wrong and that someone may actually prove to be right.
My divorce went fairly slow. Way too slow if you ask me. If I had my way, the moment I left, it would have been easier for me to get it done with than having to go through the legal system of waiting, waiting and more waiting. Because it takes so friggin' long for a divorce to be final, it opens up a world of opportunity for denial to sneak in and grab you. I never faltered, but denial is ever so present in my absent minded previous "bitter half" that still with the finality of it all, continues to pursue as if trying to salvage the relationship. But when confronted with the obvious question, he shrinks into a corner and can never man up to the fact that he let the best thing that could have ever happened to him, walk out of his life and never return again. Nights with numerous woman, a somewhat falsehood of a relationship where pressure bore too much for him and he ran from her as well, only to turn to me, who have always been there. The one who put up with his bullshit for years upon years only to now turn to him and say "oh my gosh, that's a shame. I am so sorry you are going through that". Not your typical "what can I do to rescue you" mentality that I used to have.
No you see, I left my other job in marketing where my work went unappreciated and unnoticed, my idea's stolen and given credit to the creature of yellow hair, and ended up in a job where I am am loving every second of every moment I am there. Why? Because it's a job that I can make a difference at, help others and give myself a piece of satisfaction that I am making some kind of a difference in others lives. My son's most importantly.
He, of all people, I have tried to help the most through everything. He is happy, healthy and aware. He sees things for what they are. When his father tells him he'll be having him on certain days before talking with me, it doesn't surprise me he doesn't pull through with his word. Why? Because if he had spoken to me first, he knows I would hold his balls over a fire of molten lava to make sure he kept his promise. No matter what I am doing, what I have planned, if I make a promise, I make sure to keep it! Lessons in parenthood are as such; NEVER break your promised to your child. The first time you do, the rest will never matter.
Later today, possibly tomorrow, I will recount my recent visit to an amusement park that, for all intensive purposes, had me reeling with anger and frustration and ready to punch the daylights out of each and every park visitor (beside those in my own party, those I was verbally assaulting).
Welcome back to the bitchography!!
Don't forget to comment, send me a line at rachel_mae@live.com to share your stories and are interested in becoming a guest blogger, and remember, to keep those smiles on your face and say what's on your mind. Never be afraid to say you're sorry for telling it like it is. If the rest of the world can't handle it, they can get off the fuckin' boat.
Peace out until later, ya'll!!
Rachel
Well, my friends, I have to say that not only did flipping the bird to numerous family members and my husband make me horribly more aware that the world is filled with more assholes that I would like to have thought, but it has also made me a bright, strong and intelligent woman who knows what battles to choose and which ones to turn my back from. So many people have come and gone, showed me their true colors. And what's more, the fact that I sit before this monitor now is a true testament to the fact that some people can truly change while others may be stuck in their spiral downwards forever, never yielding to the possibility that they may be wrong and that someone may actually prove to be right.
My divorce went fairly slow. Way too slow if you ask me. If I had my way, the moment I left, it would have been easier for me to get it done with than having to go through the legal system of waiting, waiting and more waiting. Because it takes so friggin' long for a divorce to be final, it opens up a world of opportunity for denial to sneak in and grab you. I never faltered, but denial is ever so present in my absent minded previous "bitter half" that still with the finality of it all, continues to pursue as if trying to salvage the relationship. But when confronted with the obvious question, he shrinks into a corner and can never man up to the fact that he let the best thing that could have ever happened to him, walk out of his life and never return again. Nights with numerous woman, a somewhat falsehood of a relationship where pressure bore too much for him and he ran from her as well, only to turn to me, who have always been there. The one who put up with his bullshit for years upon years only to now turn to him and say "oh my gosh, that's a shame. I am so sorry you are going through that". Not your typical "what can I do to rescue you" mentality that I used to have.
No you see, I left my other job in marketing where my work went unappreciated and unnoticed, my idea's stolen and given credit to the creature of yellow hair, and ended up in a job where I am am loving every second of every moment I am there. Why? Because it's a job that I can make a difference at, help others and give myself a piece of satisfaction that I am making some kind of a difference in others lives. My son's most importantly.
He, of all people, I have tried to help the most through everything. He is happy, healthy and aware. He sees things for what they are. When his father tells him he'll be having him on certain days before talking with me, it doesn't surprise me he doesn't pull through with his word. Why? Because if he had spoken to me first, he knows I would hold his balls over a fire of molten lava to make sure he kept his promise. No matter what I am doing, what I have planned, if I make a promise, I make sure to keep it! Lessons in parenthood are as such; NEVER break your promised to your child. The first time you do, the rest will never matter.
Later today, possibly tomorrow, I will recount my recent visit to an amusement park that, for all intensive purposes, had me reeling with anger and frustration and ready to punch the daylights out of each and every park visitor (beside those in my own party, those I was verbally assaulting).
Welcome back to the bitchography!!
Don't forget to comment, send me a line at rachel_mae@live.com to share your stories and are interested in becoming a guest blogger, and remember, to keep those smiles on your face and say what's on your mind. Never be afraid to say you're sorry for telling it like it is. If the rest of the world can't handle it, they can get off the fuckin' boat.
Peace out until later, ya'll!!
Rachel
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