Friday, July 13, 2012

Because you'll never see me comin'

It's no secret that I am a little lady.  Standing at exactly five foot even (five foot five inches if you give me some fantastic heals) and a mere 110 lbs, you can imagine just how intimidating I must look to the outside world.  Ah but never underestimate the strength of the small one.  She is fast.  She is smart.  And you never see her coming.

I'm sitting in a nice park, reading my fantastic Stargate series that I absolutely love, when a man comes by and demands I move because he wants to sit where I have ever so nicely parked myself.  I look up and this dude, who is obviously a low life, egotistical jerk, and think to myself "seriously? are we really going to have to go there?"

Taking a deep breath, I respond "sir, I am enjoying myself just fine where I am at.  I am sure you can find a place just as comforting as this one elsewhere".  Ok, the nice approach.  That's good, he'll be ok with that.


"This is where I sit when I come here.  I want to sit there. Get up."
Oh lord, I'm going to have to verbally assault him.

I stand up, being careful not to lose my page and set my book neatly on the ground.  "Ok. This must be a very important space to you. Unfortunately, it is occupied at the moment.  Why don't you go on your merry little way before this gets ugly and someone gets humiliated".

Of course he laughs at this little woman standing in front of 'his seat'.  I failed to see him name anywhere located near where I was sitting.  "lady, you are in my spot. Now get up!".

Alright. I see where this is going.  He wants to play 'I'm a big man and can intimidate the little woman' game.  Well, two can play it is just that I don't get easily intimidated.  "Sir, you're name is not located anywhere on this site nor should it be.  Does it make you feel like a big man, trying to intimidate women into submission?  Let me educate you on something.  The Revolution for Woman's independence ended long ago and we prevailed.  WE have equal right, just not equal brains.  Sadly, women are those with the capability of understanding a situation more than the opposite sex.  If you are following me so far, you should be getting the hint that I am not leaving MY spot for a bully.  Have you heard of the 'Anti-bully act' going about?  Yeah, you're one of them.  So let me grab my phone and snap a nice picture of you. Wait, what? You don't want me to? Why? Are you afraid that others with morals and respect for woman may actually find you offencive and just plain trashy? Ok, then, if I were you, I'd leave.  And just to make my point a little further, I have a special set of skills that could render you completely immobile in one or two strikes.  You never see me comin'."

Of course, that's not verbatim, but it was similar in nature.  He stood there, mouth open, cigarette in his hand and shook his head. "you're gonna get yourself into a lot of trouble with that attitude of yours". I smiled at him as he sulked away.

"Sir, I do not believe it is I who will be in for a rude awakening.  One day, you'll cross the wrong woman and she'll put you in your place much more than I just did.  Have a great day!"

Always remember, kiddos.  End your conversations, no matter how dreadful, with a salutation similar to "have a great day" "enjoy your weekend" "See you soon!".  It's just so much better to see their spine come out of under their shirts because of the chills you just sent down their spine.



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