Wednesday, September 1, 2010

To Bitch about yourself...

This time, I'm taking the high road. Instead of pointing the finger as it has become the norm and play the "blame-game", I've decided to take a look at myself. Why is it that I get aggravated at the irritating, rude, backstabbing, unloving nature of society? Who's problem is it really? Mine? Yours? Actually, it is every one's but nobody takes care of it. However, I am going to delve deeper into myself to see why things always seem to come at me with such intensity and anger that I seem weak. Well, I'm not. I'm pretty strong actually. To put up with bull-shit and lies for over ten years take guts and strength to get through without tearing yourself apart. So, here I am going to bitch about myself!

I am the type of person that will try to befriend the hurt. Those that are down at their weakest, I tend to gravitate towards them. But what happens after I help lift them up is I end up going down; taking their feelings and making them my own to help get them out of their slump. It works, they're thankless and move on and leave me tattered and worn. So, I am making a promise to myself to recognise and stay away from fucked up, backstabbing, lying assholes. I have been around them and friends with them enough now that I know just by looking to turn the other way.

I am a scapegoat. An easy target for others to blame their problems on. Instead of taking a look at the deeper issues rooted in themselves, I tend to be the one people turn to and say "let's get her and make her the problem". Now, a REAL bitch would NOT, by any means, put up with this. It would be fists up and words out but me? Well, I tend to just clam up, take it to "keep the peace" and go on living as every one's punching bag. I am making another promise to myself to recognise THESE people and get as far away from them as physically possible.

I have a FANTASTIC friend that stands by me, understands me and supports me. And in return, I am able to do the same for her. Though we live miles away from each other, distance is never an issue. Time isn't either. We pick up where we leave off, but most of the time, we're calling each other, texting or facebooking to make sure we're both "hanging in there". Sometimes, families can really put the screws to you and we've both had our share so we can lean on each other when there seems to be no one else.

I am a strong person, able to take what most people would fold in two minuets. But this also is a weakness, or at least can be seen as one. I need to learn how to make this an even stronger part of my personality so that the opportunity to approach and attack me is null and void in the minds of the demented.

What I hate most about myself is my fucking stubbornness. Believing people will change and going back and back and back for more of the same treatment is just plain stupid. Yes, I am calling myself stupid. HOWEVER, now-a-day, it is a mission of mine to stop the cycle and create barriers and limits to what I will allow in my life. I believe people deserve the benefit of the doubt, but should I be a tart and think that they get it 2,000 times?? No. So fuck me for being an idiot! Duh you dumb bitch!

And with that, I close by saying; I know I am a pretty decent person and I now have the ability to become an even BETTER person with these lesson's I have learned. What about yourself can you bitch about and learn from?

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