Side by Side

I'm driving home late from work the other night on one of the routes closest and fastest to get me to my point of destination... I am quite content listening to my Michael Jackson (r.i.p), having made a great presentation to my boss's about the great need for social Media to be used in our Marketing Campaign when I come up to one of my biggest peeves on the road I have. EVER.  And no, it's not the stupid people who leave their gas tanks open after having visited the gas stations... its those people who drive side by side at the same exact speed and end up causing deadlock behind them.  Nobody can go anywhere because neither party wants to go any faster (or slower) than the other party.  Now, in my little world, the left lane is for PASSING.  So FUCKING PASS GOD DAMNIT! Instead, I get stuck behind Manny and Mac and they seemingly have no idea one is next to the other.

I just can't understand why people do this. It's like they have NO IDEA the other cars on the road even exist!! I can't stand it when someone stays next to me longer than  .5 seconds, how can you seriously drive next to someone for the duration of the highway??  This forces all the other cars on the road to drive side by side on both the left and the right lanes. It drives me BATTY!! Up a fuckin' wall. 

So I end up following behind these two cars, later at night, for at least ten miles before the guy next to ME Starts blowing his horn.  Now he's getting pissed and road rage is about to unfold. I start to hang back; I'm gonna watch.  As I hang back, the guy that WAS next to me takes my spot in the left lane and starts tailgating the Mofo like a bad lover.  He's blowing on his horn yet the driver STILL insists on driving side by side with the other car. Like they're in a slower version of the Daytona 500!!!  FINALLY though, eventually the driver in the left lane gets the message and its OFF TO THE RACES with the left lane with everybody and their mother with their fingers out their windows and horns blazing at both of them.

Wow, what a ride home from work THAT was.

Slinkies.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I'm gonna write a fuckin' book...

I have always kept a journal. Since the age of 13, I have written before bed about my days. Be-it my school days, my friends, my troubles with my parents that every normal teenager has, to being lied to by a selfish and jealous Aunt, to becoming a blacksheep among blacksheeps and targeted for annihilation many years before I could see it with my own eyes; my journals spell out my life in such a way that sometimes I feel like smacking myself in the face. "You stupid idiot! Why didn't you see this coming?" "What's the matter with you!? They DON'T love you." "Hey Rachel, forget trying to get people to like you. Be YOURSELF and BE HAPPY". 

Collectively, I have over 100 books, all unique in their own way.  Different styles, different pictures, same person. As I was going through them the other night, I was reminded of the horrors that I faced as a child at the hands of my extended family who, as I thought, were the only family I needed beyond my immediate family.  This got me thinking. There has GOT to be other people out there who feel as I do. Betrayed and lied to their entire life.  Trust was just given, never earned.  As I read through some of my earlier journals, I could see the course my life has taken being mapped out right in front of my eyes. I read deeply into the night from the 1990's until today, every puzzle piece fell directly into place, just like a well written book.  You never see the "end" result coming but when it does, it makes perfect sense.  I say "end" because over the past summer, my life as I knew it came to an end and I began a new life... a happier life.  And through my journals, I saw my life as a calculated effort by people around me to manipulate and hurt each other for no other means but to become a powerful "leader".

So I have decided, I am going to write a book.  I will not release the title yet as I don't want my story or idea to be stolen from me. Yet with all these journals behind me, they can tell my story with truth from the eyes and heart of the suffered one.  They are the perfect reference to write my story. To tell it so that others can know they're not alone in their fight for acceptance among people who are selfish, hurtful and manipulative.  It gives me hope to draw up my story to share, based on actual events and truthful accounts from ones own thoughts. From the moment I picked up the pen at age 13, I have been telling my story.  Now it is time to share it with the world. Because I think I owe it to myself, and to others, to set the record straight.

Top Ten Things I Hate About YOU

• 10) Your voice.  It's fake. Trying being authentic sometimes.

•  9) You're obnoxious. Just like in your voice, your body language and the way you talk to people is flat out rude and demeaning. Trying being humble every now and then. Beauty is only skin deep.

• 8) You have double standards.  You can get away with being a total cunt to whoever you want but when someone dished it back, you go running/crying to people and turn on the hold you have over people who are stupid enough to not see your evil.  You can't simply believe that you're entitled to do whatever the fuck you want to anyone and not expect them to give it back to you, can you?

• 7) You judge people on things you have no right judging them on. Say, like being a parent when you don't even HAVE kids? WTF give you the right to judge ANYONE's parenting skills when you have no idea what being a parent even MEANS?

• 6) You have no sense of self.  You do as the sheeple do.  Instead of being a leader, you part of the pack and do whatever it takes to keep you part of it. So if that means lying about someone, making up malicious reasons to be rude, mean and a total bitch to keep you in the group, you will do it.

• 5) You have no standards of what it means to be a good person.  Instead of standing up and saying "you know what, this has gone too far, enough is enough" you delight in kicking someone the most when they're down.

• 4) You're fake.  You pretend to be someones friend or loving family member all the while secretly holding behind the scenes horrific conversations about a person that has no grounds for what is being said. Giving the person no opportunity to stand up for themselves or tell you where you're wrong.

• 3) You think you're always right. Even though you're stupid and young, you still think you know it all and that makes everything you know the right thing.  I've got news for you; you're about to learn some REALLY HARD lessons in the next 10 years and I hope that you get hurt so that you learn and feel the way you are unable to now.

• 2) You're a cunt. By every definition of the word. You backstabb and lie.  You hurt beyond words without any feeling of remorse or understanding of what you have done. You pit people against each other that have no reason to be angry with one another. You lie, cheat and steal things that aren't yours.  You're a loudmouth who likes to rub salt in a very open wound.  You don't can about anyone else then yourself.  And you're a wolf in snakes clothing.

• 1) You're YOU. Period. All the above mentioned things helped shape who you are. You have been taught well and therefore, just being you makes me hate you.  When you grow up and realize that those in your corner just aren't and you should have treaded more carefully, you will then have no one and that is what YOU deserve.

Top Ten Things That Annoy People

After some extensive research, I have found the Top Ten Things that Annoy Most People.  I can say that I agree with most of them.  Take a look for yourself and see if your top peeve is on the list!!

• Drivers who don't use a turn signal.
• People who read out loud what they're typing in an email or letter.
• Kids who tease dogs through a fence.
• People who drink directly out of the milk/orange juice containter.
• Couples who sit on the same side of the booth when there is no one on the other side.
• Parents who bring their young kids to R rated films.
• People that don't use coasters.
• People who blame anything but themselves for THEIR failure.
• People who sit next to you on public transportation even when there are other seats available.
• Noisy eaters.

 Also, click here for the The Largest Complied List of Annoyances from GetAnnoyed.com!!!

From "Shit My Dad Says"

I follow this guy on twitter and he fuckin' cracks me up! While running down his page today, I found this tweet very informational and appropriate for my situation!!

"Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit."

Sweet.

200 Lies a Day

It's no secret that we all lie. Daily. Most of the time, we don't even know we're doing it. A little white lie here, an embellishment there... who is it going to hurt, right? Well, to someone who has been lied to her whole life, her very existence one big fat lie; even the smallest lie can turn into something that is astronomical. It's like a snowball effect. One person tells a lie to another. Why? Well, lets say they have a personal grudge or jealousy toward them. Trying to get another to see it their way, a little lie won't hurt right? Wrong. This lie then gets tossed around, whispered down the lane and years later, ends up being something that is so blown out of proportion the person the lie is about (say ME, for example) never had a prayer to defend, stand up or set things right, let alone confront the jealous party and ask "why?" Any attempts from that point forward to mend fences, show the person that forgiveness is within reach is held in vain. Even the kindest written letter can be turned from that to a manipulative tactic because that is how it is desired to be seen. So you can't even reach out and try to create bridges when there is already fire underneath and motions in place to destroy it before it started. Children then become involved; used as weapons and puppets to hurt and scorn. THIS is where I draw the line. And others I have come to know as well, in my same situation, have drawn it too. Do what you want to me; say what you want. Hurt me, kick me, lie about me, spread your rumors and make up your dreams of what you think I am but never EVER use MY CHILD as a reason to hurt me. Or use your OWN for that matter. Anyone that will use their own child as a weapon is far too gone for help. Professional grade help is needed and those children will grow up just as hurt and confused about their parents more than anyone else. Children deserve the TRUTH. Not some fabricated, jealous lie that has someone so engulfed in themselves that they can't see what could happen down the road. You say terrible things about a child to their mother, you hold a young child accountable for problems that only the adults have created and expect others to not think you are absolutely out of your mind?

Be aware you are being lied to; at work, at home, at school. By your friends, your family, your co-workers or a total stranger. If you are told 200 Lies a day, what about life is honest?

FAKE

This place has begun to cover me
I recall the light, but the dark smothers me
I prefer the feelings I know right now
I don't worry about feeling very proud

You don't know how it feels
To be misunderstood
To reach for the sky
I thought you never would
You don't know how it feels
To be misunderstood
To reach for the sky
I thought you never would

But I'm bleeding, and my hands are bruised
From the grip that I once had on you
And I'm open for a new way
Because there's not much more that I can fake

It's almost seeing your soul for the first time
And watching the mirror show you life in rewind
Capture the ridicule of everyone
I'm tired of trying, and they wonder why I'm gone

You don't know how it feels
To be misunderstood
To reach for the sky
I thought you never would
You don't know how it feels
To be misunderstood
To reach for the sky
I thought you never would

But I'm bleeding, and my hands are bruised
From the grip that I once had on you
And I'm open for a new way
Because there's not much more that I can fake

I can't fake it

You don't know how it feels
To be misunderstood
To reach for the sky
I thought you never would
You don't know how it feels
To be misunderstood
To reach for the sky
I thought you never would

But I'm bleeding, and my hands are bruised
From the grip that I once had on you
And I'm open for a new way
Because there's not much more that I can fake
But I'm bleeding, and my hands are bruised
From the grip that I once had on you
And I'm open for a new way
Because there's not much more that I can fake

Webs Spun Begun

Don't you hate people who can turn the nicest, most innocent gesture into something it really isn't? It's call "Spinning" and I know a few people who can spin a web so terrible it'll captivate and catch some of the smartest people I know. In fact, it's caught some of my loved ones and torn them away from me as a result of the web of lies. It's disgusting to me how a simple photograph can turn into a complete argument. And we're talking a photograph not unlike two puppies sleeping together in a basket. No harm done right? WRONG! With these "twisted sisters", you can rest assured anything you do in good faith and out of love will be turned into a dramatic, unbelievable piece of manipulative tactic that is dreamt up and then drilled into the web for everyone to feed on.

It's a sad thing when someone can't think for themselves. Or that they are so fearful of their own feelings and actions they let others control them. What ever happened to standing up for what is really right? Allowing someone to be treated like a piece of shit for so long, standing by and doing nothing yet when it is time for someone to take a stance, you go with the group and have no opinion or voice of your own. You're a puppet of the web spinners. The words coming out of your mouth are not even your own! It's robotic and practiced as if they stood in front of mirrors rehearsing like they were lines on a script. Well, life is unpredictable and not everybody is evil, terrible, hurtful and vain. I happen to be, despite my rantings on here, a kind, caring, loving person who always wanted to be accepted into her family. But my family had other plans for me and, behind my back, conspired to ruin me, my confidence and made sure that when they were finished, I would have next to no one.

For what reason? This I am still trying to figure out. I've thrown birthday parties, baby showers, put vacations on hold so that everyone could be included yet I was always left out. So I ask you; someone who is innocent should not have to be subject to such cruelty, right? Then why do the innocent suffer in webs spun of lies and brainwashing?

Searching for Coupons

You're waiting in line. You've been in line for, what feels like, a half an hour. You FINALLY get to be second in line and the anal retentive person in front of you is the only thing standing between you, the register and getting the hell out of the store. The cashier tells "her" the total amount due... then, she pulls out her gigantic, over-filled, under-organized bag and starts to rummage through it. "I have a coupon for that in here somewhere.... I just need to find it".... the second I hear that, my blood pressure rises. I know that it is going to take her every moment of every second I need to get the hell outta there to find this blasted coupon, that is worth, what? .50 cents off the product? I get it, and love it, when someone is organized with their coupons when they can walk into a store, have them all ready and push their bill from $100 to $25 in .03 seconds! But when you have someone who is unorganized and just plain irritating, rummaging through their gigantic bag of a purse, looking for a coupon they most likely left at HOME, it makes me want to stick a fork in my eye. This action is completely disrespectful of those that stand in line behind you. They've been waiting just as long and deserve every opportunity to get the fuck out of the store as much as anyone else! So excuse me if I start tapping my toes, sighing obnoxiously loudly enough for the woman at the register to hear or coughing to let her know there ARE other people around who need to get moving.

And where the hell are the other cashiers when this happens? When a line starts going from the front of the store and wraps around three times, all due to someone who is hell bent of finding a piece of paper with numbers on it, why doesn't the manager/supervisor on duty call someone up to help relieve the pressure? When I can clearly see stupid little teenage workers just standing around, doing nothing! Punch in your code in the stupid register and get to work damnit!

And still... she's looking through her bag for her fucking coupons....

Happy New Year My Ass

Why is it that when you try to get away from Drama, it follows you? Well, my friends, it is just as simple as the people you know. Surround yourself with Drama Queens and drama will follow.

It's no secret now that my husband and I have decided to separate. It's a separation, not a divorce. I see the possibility of a reconciliation in the future if we use this time wisely, but what ticks me off is that his absentee mother, who hasn't been apart of his life since he was 7 years old (emotionally) all of a sudden has an opinion and had to put my name into her mouth. First off, take my name and spit it out. I am of no concern to you. Nor do you have any right to swoop in now and use this time as your way back "in". I have cautioned my husband to her manipulative ways, how she has told him terrible things in the past and does nothing but degrade him. He, for one, of all these years, NEVER wanted anything to do with her. Take me out of the picture and BAM! She's back! Seems like I was the only one holding him together emotionally because now, his Mommy dearest is trying to "rescue him" from the big bad Rachel that left. Filling his head with doubts about my character, saying things like "she gets up and leaves you when things get rough... what do you think she'll do if you get back together and things get tough again?". Um- EXCUSE ME Bitch, but who the hell told you I just up and left without careful consideration or MAJOR thoughts about it? One does not simply stand up one day, in a happy marriage, and leaves for the hell of it. Ok, maybe some bitches do but not this one. I gave YEARS of my life trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, how I could change things to make things work... it took a year to figure out I wanted to leave and then ANOTHER to muster up enough guts to actually DO IT. So please don't go telling people, who ever will listen to your manic ass, that I just got up and left your baby boy because we got into a fight and I ran. No honey, things are a little more different and if you had been a better part of his life; more loving and caring than the money hungry whore you are, maybe he would have had a fighting chance IN a relationship.

She connects love with money. So when my husbands father died at age 10, she made SURE she married "up" and "wealthy" no matter the cost. The cost was? Well, anything my husband did was never good enough to catch her support or attention. He could be an alter boy, an eagle scout and perfect student and she never saw in him the gem that he is. But her new husbands kids could steal, cheat, lie, wreck the house, have parties, steal family jewels and THEY were showered with love and affection, even to this DAY!

I am not the only one who knows this about her. All of my husbands friends have received ill treatment from her because either they're "different" (please, define that for me), black or "crazy"... no I think she needs to take a good look at herself and figure out who the crazy one is. Grant it, my husband did know a few nut jobs out there, but who doesn't run into them once or twice in a lifetime? I know I have had my share! Still, after talking with some mutual friends about my new dilemma, they all are pretty conclusive and said "yeah, this was bound to happen. Now she can come in and be the lady in his life".... according to my husband, he wants me to be that lady... yet now she is using every manipulative tactic under her power to reel him into her and away from me. Which is fine. If he is not strong enough to be an adult and say "thanks mom for your concern, but Rachel and I are going to figure this out on our own" then he's not the one for me anyway and off I go.

I thought this New 2011 would bring me some sort of peace after the hell I'd just gone through with liars and other manipulators but it seems I still have quite a way ahead of me to rid myself of all these dysfunctional people in my life. I have to. My son is too precious not to do it.

A perfectly good tanning session ruined by....

VALLEY GIRLS!

Who on this green earth actually can STAND to listen to a valley girl talk? I just don't understand why they don't get punched in the face every time they open their mouths. Who really likes to talk that way? "Like, she said, and then I said, and he was like 'woah, oh my God, that's crazy! Totally!"

I was going in for my regular tanning session, since the winter is here and you can't hit the beaches too much in colder weather as much as I'd like (I like it to be 90 degree's for the beach). I have the great package, the extra awesome bed, with green leaves and bamboo in the room. Awesome. Relaxing and best 15 minuets you'll ever spend. That is... until Valley girl "Sue" comes into the place and starts talking to one of the girls at the counter about her, soon to be, New Years Eve night out and how she's "totally" going to "beat this bitch up" if she even so much as tries to talk to her. The entire time I was trying to relax, do a little breathing and enjoy my 15 minuets of self pampering, this bitch was talking non-stop about 'like this girl and like that girl and how like, she was like, totally gonna get beat down if she shows up at the bar'. I could have murdered someone. Imagine, being powerless, stuck in a tanning bed, having to listen to this stupid, airhead of a bitch go on and on about the most immature things and you just want to yell out "SHUT THE FUCK UP! This is MY TIME Bizotch!".

So I get out of my bed, get ready to go and she's STILL gabbing away about this girl she absolutely hates... I'm thinking "shit, I bet the feeling is mutual.. I hate you already!" As I walk up towards to counter to exit, I simply looked at the girl and said "It would be more courteous of you if you kept your voice down while others were trying to tan. That was the most annoying 15 minuets of my life. Thanks for ruining it."

She just looked at me. You know, like a deer looks into headlights. The woman she'd been talking to got all flushed in the face and tried not to laugh (because the entire time, she's been quietly trying to get her to STFU). I went to walk out, but then stopped. I turned. "Which bar are you going to tonight?"

She told me.

"Thanks," I said "I will make sure NOT to go there. Peace out".

Sssssshhhhhhaaaaaaahhhh!