I have always kept a journal. Since the age of 13, I have written before bed about my days. Be-it my school days, my friends, my troubles with my parents that every normal teenager has, to being lied to by a selfish and jealous Aunt, to becoming a blacksheep among blacksheeps and targeted for annihilation many years before I could see it with my own eyes; my journals spell out my life in such a way that sometimes I feel like smacking myself in the face. "You stupid idiot! Why didn't you see this coming?" "What's the matter with you!? They DON'T love you." "Hey Rachel, forget trying to get people to like you. Be YOURSELF and BE HAPPY".
Collectively, I have over 100 books, all unique in their own way. Different styles, different pictures, same person. As I was going through them the other night, I was reminded of the horrors that I faced as a child at the hands of my extended family who, as I thought, were the only family I needed beyond my immediate family. This got me thinking. There has GOT to be other people out there who feel as I do. Betrayed and lied to their entire life. Trust was just given, never earned. As I read through some of my earlier journals, I could see the course my life has taken being mapped out right in front of my eyes. I read deeply into the night from the 1990's until today, every puzzle piece fell directly into place, just like a well written book. You never see the "end" result coming but when it does, it makes perfect sense. I say "end" because over the past summer, my life as I knew it came to an end and I began a new life... a happier life. And through my journals, I saw my life as a calculated effort by people around me to manipulate and hurt each other for no other means but to become a powerful "leader".
So I have decided, I am going to write a book. I will not release the title yet as I don't want my story or idea to be stolen from me. Yet with all these journals behind me, they can tell my story with truth from the eyes and heart of the suffered one. They are the perfect reference to write my story. To tell it so that others can know they're not alone in their fight for acceptance among people who are selfish, hurtful and manipulative. It gives me hope to draw up my story to share, based on actual events and truthful accounts from ones own thoughts. From the moment I picked up the pen at age 13, I have been telling my story. Now it is time to share it with the world. Because I think I owe it to myself, and to others, to set the record straight.
4 comments:
Go for it.
Good luck!
When you write your book, I shall order it, I already think you're a great writer on here.
Sounds like an awesome idea.
Thanks guys! It's coming along really well!
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