Thursday, December 23, 2010

Excuse Me, Bitch

How many of you have been out this Holiday Season shopping for someone special? I am willing to bet that 90% of my readers are doing the crazy last minuet shopping experience. And I am guilty as sin, yes Ma'am, I am. I can't usually wait to give a gift so I prevent myself from going shopping until the very last second. But this yields the ugly truth of the season. Fuck all the "Merry Christmas'", "Happy Holidays" "Happy Hanukkah" or whatever, it is every Bitch for themselves out there! The men are so pissed off they're being dragged out AGAIN with the woman for MORE shopping (like she has MORE TO DO) and the woman? Well they just run you the fuck over like you don't even take up space or occupy it. The best are the ones who pretend they don't know where the LINE begins and jumps all the way in front of the already pissed off and irritated crowd, and then it ends in one of two ways. The person next in line flips the fuck out or the cashier has to tell the person to go to the back of the line. Either one ends badly with someone using the "F" word more than once and irritating the line of people even more.

Case in point on subject #1; I'm walking out of the sports store after waiting in line for a half hour to by ONE jersey, and as I am walking out, this big fat ass of a woman just slams into me, knocking me into the glass doorway and keeps walking. There is NO WAY she didn't know she did that; I'm so sorry your fat ass can't fit through a double doorway, but holy shit, do you HAVE to knock the little people down on your way in? Dude, I fuckin' lost it. She had been person #3 on my slap list and once I hit #3, I've hit tilt. I turned and yelled at her "Merry Christmas Bitch, don't forget to say 'Excuse me' next time your fat ass decides to knock someone into a wall".
Yes people. I did say that. I was pissed. And, as a previous post stated; it is the MOST FUCKED UP time of year. Screw that, no more nice me. Thank GOODNESS I am finished with my shopping as of today. I can't take these mall rats any longer.

The next case in point was in the same store as I was waiting in line. The line pillar said "Line starts here" and there were about 20 people in line, I was second. Another woman, older I have to admit, standing behind someone at check out, I just KNEW was trying to get her way in and out without anyone in line noticing. Unlike my previous weekly post where I had to shout at the woman that there was a line, the clerk actually told her she needed to get to the back of the line. "oh, there's a line?" she said, like she didn't know. Laughably, the person in front of me says "oh com'on now stupid. You don't think for one second we believe you didn't know that. It's Christmas for CHRISTS sake! Get to the back of the line and wait your turn". If I could have hugged that woman, I would have but who knows if she would have pulled a gun on me or what; you never know these days. Still, cussing and moaning the entire way to the back of the line, the rest of us were just smirking at her like "looser, get serious".



Caren Gittleman said...


My other favorites are the people who try and knock you down with THEIR CAR in the parking lots (and I mean while we were in OUR CAR!)
They drive like they are playing dodge'em!!!
No friggin gift is THAT important!

Alittlesprite said...

OMG you are funny! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!
Good on ya.
I've noticed that christmas time is not nessessarily busier, but that people move FASTER. And they have an AGENDA in their minds and screw anyone who gets in their way. Personally I hate busy crowds, because of my left eye blindness. Scares the shit out of me when people seemingly pop up out of no-where.
Anyway, our Christmas shopping ended abruptly when we ran out of money. lol.
Hope you have a great Christmas Rachel. xx

Ruth said...

Carparks can get ugly too! Especially at the shopping centre near where we live!! :P

Rachel Mae said...

HAHA! So who wants to write up the post about the parking lots?? That's a GREAT guest post!!! And very well spotted!

Ruth said...

I think I sent you an email with a guest post...but it was my student email and RMIT website is dodgy at the best of times....hmmm, oh well :P